TechieWife

Lube 'N Tube

Tue, 22 Jul 2008 19:11:27 GMT

So this new contraption in my bodyis a wild experience. If you dont have one, it is hard to explain - and I must do so endlessly it seems. I dont mind, I would be curious too, but it gets tiring because I am hardly an expert. I have the lap band, it works like an hour glass or a funnel, if food cant squeeze through the small opening it has made in my otherwise pretine and just as I was created stomach (nothing cut, stapled or otherwise altered - everything reversible and so on) then I will get sick. SO I must change my eating habits - eat smaller ammounts, slower, and healtier - nothing doughy that can clog the drain so to speak. (No rice, bread, potato, pasta, etc. which is a drag but sorta the point) AND every once in a while I need the Dr or RNP to access the port that has been sewn i under my skin on my belly to add saline to tghten the band and make the hole smaller. They call this "A Fill" like you are a car going in for an oil change or more gasoline.

ANyway I was TERRIFIED when I woke up today. I got fairly well dressed (that is a dead give away that I am feeling vulnerable by the way - If I am dressing up for a Dr appointment I am scared - it is like putting on armor before battle - I know I am a weirdo) but the actual accessing the port was NOTHING. I know I know I never believed anyone telling me that either. A needle in the belly has GOT to hurt like the DIckens but you know other than the anticipated stick it was NOTHING. Now she looked and noticed that my incision (you know the one I ASKED and drove up in rush hour for the Dr to look at a few weeks back? yeah that one) and said it was not healing right. I said, "Yes I know, but the Dr did not do anything on either appoint I set up" well she did, before I knew it she had a scalpel in her hand and she sliced me gently so it could drain. No pain killers needed, and it only hurt a little, it was WAY more scary than painful.

But I like my scale better than there's. According to thir scale I went from 257 (day of first visit in May) to 248 day of surgery to 234 today. Not nothing. But my scale is way more friendly. We have a naked morning ritual on weigh in days - naked and before coffee I have gone from 267 in APril when I was depressed and desperate to 228 today. I know no two scales are the same, and I weighed in there with clothes on and having already eatten, but still, 6 pounds difference (the wrong way) made me sad. HAD their scale said I weighed 6 pounds lighter than mine I would be doing the happy dance!!!

Either way I am headed in the right direction - yay me. First fill down - weren't no thang....in the words of my eloquent English professor at Cal State Northridge...

Traveling With Special Needs Kids?

Wed, 16 Jul 2008 20:01:46 GMT

I just found this site and think it is incredible - you can check it out yourself at www.safetytat.com but what I LOVE is that these are tattoos that you can write your cell phone number on - if you have a child with an allergy or a toddler you might become separated from, these are a GREAT idea! Choose your tattoo and go! AWESOME! What will they think of next? As a Mom I am always looking for stuff like this, though my kids know their home phone number now - if we are traveling I dont think they would remember my cell - Here is another tip though, when traveling, on your answering machine at home, do not say you are traveling but you CAN leave an alternate number like, "Hello, you've reached.... you may choose to also contact my cell at...." which does not say that you are not staying at your house, but if Disneyland is calling they have a chance to find you if your kids only know their home phone and are lost. Just a thought - anyway I thought I would share these - Enjoy and be safe... Julianne

Step 1 - Choose

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Check It

Tue, 15 Jul 2008 22:40:12 GMT

http://www.daratorres.com/gallery.php This is quite possibly the coolest picture I have ever seen. It is my HERO Dara Toprres with her 2 year old baby after dominating the 50 in Omaha to go to the Olympics at 41. I blogged about that day before and it is as impressive to me still - her official web page makes me smile - one of the topics she lists talks about middle aged mortals at the olympics - like she is a mere mortal - HA. Seriously I MUST get a poster for my walls like I was a teenager - she completely rocks! I cant wait to see her swim. I LOVE that only two of the kids on the team were even alive when she won her first gold medal - how awesome is that?

ANYWAY I have even better news - I GET TO SWIM AGAIN! Now, I am no Dara Torres, but I can cut a lane or two in my day. I am looking forward to swimming a bunch and by fall I hope to join the local Masters team so that by next Spring I can do some of the open water swims locally here. The water here is cold, but other than cold there is nothing to worry about. People here freak out about swimming in open water here, why? I dont get it, but then I have been blessed to swim with sharks in So. Cal, Tahiti, Mexico, and Hawaii (I wish I could say when I was in Australia I had the cahonies to get in the water BUT there was Great White Sharks out there and while I am a stud I am no death wish freak) so what do a few rabid Salmon have to freak me out about??? Ha ha ha. The water is a little more murky though....

STILL Dara Torres is my hero....check out her site and get on board cheering on the Mamma!

Off And Running

Tue, 15 Jul 2008 19:46:18 GMT

Dude - things are INSANE. I cant get to it all while still recovering from surgery. I would like to tak ethe Dr who told me I would be "Back to work in 3 days" and throttle him. What the? It is 4 weeks out now and I am still moving slower than usual. That is NOT ok with so many people on their way! I cannot believe my big brother his lovely wife and their darling baby will be here tomorrow! WHOO HOO! Words cannot describe how excited I am. I even went and got them stuff so that they will be comfy while they are here - you know little things, diapers so they dont have to worry, his favorite snack food, etc. I am SO excited. My Dad and little sister are coming on Thursday too! Jiminy Crickets we will have a FULL house! Likely to hit Mariners game this weekend and some sights plus the kids are in a little dance performance this Friday. Whew hold my breath and I might make it through - but before I can get to the sights and the fun I GOTTA CLEAN and that means I gotta stop needing to SIT down. My back hurts my tummy hurts and I am hungry so I am cranky - oh yeah I am a LOAD of fun! Come hang out with me - no really - you might make it outta here with your sanity, Lord knows I lost mine! Ha ha ha....

ANYWAY if you call and I am short with you, it is NOT you I am just under the gun!!!

You're Gonna Miss This

Mon, 14 Jul 2008 22:19:01 GMT

Dude - I heard this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vG9XfJxMY8A&feature=related on the radio today and started to cry. Maybe it is because my 20 year High School reunion is in the works this August. Yes that is right TWENTY YEARS! Whoa. Anyway, as I was driving to get the kids from Dance Camp I got to see a teeny tiny baby and for a second I wished we could have more. Well to be honest, I always wanted more. Harry, not so much. We had a deal - no putting ON the planet more than you take OFF the planet when you go, and we hit the jack pot a boy and a girl. We would adopt and still may, but as for making more, lets face it, I am pushing 40 soon (in a year and a half) and I do NOT want to be 60 with 20 somethings running around making HUGE mistakes. But for a second, I REALLY missed the baby days. Then I heard the song and it said what I was thinking - I missed everytghing. I missed my youth, I missed our old apartment in Marina del Rey, I missed our "BIG" move to Seattle, I missed the old "little" house, I missed the babies - but you know other than High school (well now that I think about it, I remember some day camp days I wish I had back too!) not ONE memory not one "I miss that" did not include Harry. That was nice. He is So my dude.

ANYWAY check out the sappy song. Be reflective a bit. Then go hug your babies - they will be teenagers before we know it!

Healing

Mon, 14 Jul 2008 05:58:48 GMT

So you know the Dr really must know what he is doing. My "fill" (I swear every time I say that it sounds like I am a car going in for an oil change) is in a week and a half. That is when I get to have a BIG needle put in my "Port" (borg part) and have a few cc's of saline injected so that the band around my stomach gets tighter. At first, after surgery and after the liquid diet, I was not only very careful about what I ate and how much I ate because I was scared but also because I just had no appetite. I wonder if the Codiene helped with that - it certainly did not "take away" the pain just made me completely appathetic towards the pain (and everything else what a horrible feeling). ANYWAY now that I am mostly healing except for a few spots that are still not completely closed yet, I obviously am getting my appetite back - and in spades. My "head hunger" is a nasty mother you know what-er. I do not need these things but I find myself "wanting" things - things I di dnot even LIKE because I cannot have them. That is my deal - you want to make sure I will do something? Go ahead and tell me I cant. I will rise to that challenge it is like an achilles heal. I probably should not have disclosed that, but hey, if you know me at all it is hardly a secret. Somewhere my husband is laughing his ass off - stop that it is not nice to laugh so hard soda comes out your nose sweetie - :)

ANYWAY the head hunger made me want the following today (none of which I had, I just wanted till I moved on to wanting something else) A Big Mac, hot fudge sundae, milk shake, french fries, chili dog, pizza, pasta, potato, BREAD, more bread, did I mention bread (I really wanted some bread). OK what I had instead, my alloted oatmeal for breakfast, all my fluids, a chicken wrap for lunch, some gazpacho soup and hummous with veggies for dinner and for a snack one handful of peanuts, That is it. ALL within limits. Not a lot of glamour or fun, but hey that was sorta the point, right?

So head hunger is a bitch and I will name her Evangeline. I HATE that bitch. So when she shows up I am showing her ass the door, baby. So far I am down from 267 (start weight in April) to 228 (now). SO Evangeline, I am winning honey, and you know what? I like winning. My husband likes that I am starting to "care" about matching my unmentionables again and my clothes are not exactly tents anymore. I like that I do not touch the sides in the movie theatre seats and that pretty soon my double chin will be a thing of the past but you know what I like the best? If I do this right, sweetie pie, This weight that I am right now? Right here? This is the biggest I will ever be ever again. I will never weigh more than I do right now. I will win that at least - I may not make goal, I hope to and will try every day to get there - but at least I CAN achieve that. I never have to get any bigger. So take your soft talking suggestions of fatty death high caloric thrill ride cheap food and go bug someone else - I am not answering the door anymore!

CRAZY!!!

Sun, 13 Jul 2008 14:56:12 GMT

So we have had an insane weekend. There are weekends when you got nothin' planned, and then there are weekends like this one, where you have family coming in and you must clean the house, there are a million birthday parties and you are expected at all of them, your Mom has a guest coming to town who is a long lost AUnt (Hi Aunt Alice) and you need to go see her which sounds like a blast if there was not so much to do too AND you have a job interview at the Church after Mass this morning. Whew! Yesterday we had two parties back to back which was pretty hard on the kids. I was asked at both parties to do face painting and I gotta say it was fun, I made a little poster for the parties so that the kids could choose what they wanted if they got stuck not knowing and off we went. Even the adults were asking for Tattoos. It was fun. Even though I was an invited guest, I never got up from the chair because my line was never empty till I finally said it was time to stop - each party I painted for 3 hours straight - it was creative and fun but took more out of me than I anticipated. Even though my kids were guests at the party people assumed I was hired to be "Entertainment" which is funny to me. I had not painted faces for years and even then it was a fledging effort - but people liked my stuff so that was fun.

SO we woke up this morning feeling like we were hit by a truck. Harry actually went back to bed! The kids are rearing to go - but other than setting up breakfast I got nothing energy wise. I turned on the TV and CMT TV was on because I was watching old sappy movies before bed last night and of all people SNOOP DOGG was on the Country Music Channel with Willie Nelson rapping/singing you can see the video on You Tube here : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ks3w859ujbU IT WAS SURREAL! I was like, "What the? I know I am tired and grouchy and not quite on the planet but when on Earth did Snoop Dogg becone a country singer?" I sat and watched the whole thing. Luckily for me, Taylor Swift came on afterwards and Patrick said, "Wow she sure is pretty - and she can sing too - Mommy, will I ever meet anyone that pretty someday?" Uh oh - no more MTV.....at 5 it is WAY too soon for that crap!

SO I am off to Church for an interview to see if I am a good fit for their need as a Social Justice Educator - I am very excited. After getting so burned at my last job I was not planning on returning to work any time soon - I was going to help out the SUnday School classes just to keep a little busy - but they said they needed this and it fits my degree so well....I am going to check it out. I did disclose everything that happened at Sacred Heart - I dont want ANY surprises and if I get told again that I am not Catholic enough or some such nonsense I will be heartbroken - better to disclose now. We will see -

SO I am dealing with Family, house cleaning, job interviews, lack of sleep and the heat - FUN day!!!

Adieu

Sat, 12 Jul 2008 16:58:44 GMT

Did you see that the former White House press secretary Tony Snow died today at the age of 53? I knew he had cancer, but I do not know why I thought he was improving. It is wierd that he was only 15 years older than I was but he SEEMED So much older - still when people your age start dying it makes you stop for a second. I truly distested and argue his politics, but I am sad he lost his fight - he certainly made his lies more interesting at any rate.....may he be at peace.

Growing Old

Sat, 12 Jul 2008 14:31:55 GMT

So my puppy is NO puppy any more. I have blogged on it before, but he is a party pomeranian, tuxedo black and white, named D'Artagnon (I call him D'Art) who is 16 years old. He has out lived cancer, has a metal plate and pins in his back leg when he fell and broke it several years ago and is going blind. He is now deaf and slow and MUST wear a diaper. He is particularly upset about the last one - the diaper. It is a special doggy one, but it is just indignant if you ask him, which no one really has, because it is not up to him. He cannot help himself and my house smells of his "markings" because I should have done the diaper LONG ago and knew it but just could not bring myself to do it to him.

Well, now when he is inside he is swaddled. That is that. He HATES it I mean LOATHES it. He looks at me so sad and I know I am attributing human feelings to him, but he seems so expressive to me, are you kidding? If you saw his face and his eyes your heart would break too, but what can I do? Lock him in the garage? That seems SO much worse as the weather up here can be too extreeme for him, plus there are mice out there he would go insane and who would love him? No no no the diaper stays just STOP looking at me like that!

We take him outside to go potty like normal but I have yet to remove the diaper that it has not been used. Anyway, when he goes outside I take the diaper off, obviously, and last night the little guy hid from me. Now it was night time and he is black and I live out in the woods on a full acre lot. There are no lights out here in the land of 70 foot trees so he could hide pretty good. I was scared! We have had some attacks from local wild life on the small dogs and cats in the 'hood, but they usually happen at sunrise and sunset, but he was gone so long I thought maybe he was gone gone, you know? I got the flash light and started walking the property calling him - which does not help because he is deaf - but it made me feel proactive. I saw nothing. My husband came out to help. Just as we were giving up, there he was at the back door like nothing was wrong and what were we doing outside? Was it a potty party? Did we pee on a tree too? Does he have to start marking all over to un do whatever and whereve we peed too? (Again, if you SAW his face you would have gotten all that loud and clear too!

Then came time to put the diaper back on him. He cowers, shakes, begs, but I cant help it. The pee is disgusting, it is everywhere, and I cant keep up with it any longer. When the kids could not control it they wore diapers too! But instead of sleeping in his usual spots, now he is sulking under the table next to the couch as far away from the family as possible. He is a pack animal - this is not normal. I HATE that he is so sad - but what can I do? He is so old, my only job is to LOVE him up, but he wont even let me pet him, he just shakes and hides. It sucks to be an aging dog I guess - my puppy is growing old and there is not much I can do to help him. SO sad.

Still Swollen

Fri, 11 Jul 2008 17:03:32 GMT

So I hit the scale today and I am in the 220's!!!! HOORAY! Yet nothing fits yet - I am in the same size I was pre surgery and still not wearing pants - just dresses because my tummy is still swollen. I guess after a surgery that is to be expected but it sure would be nice to show a little - I can see it only in my face which is nice so not really complaining just moderately whinning......

That said the kids are absolutely DOINE with Mommy being not quite right. They are fighting, have reached the end of the "teamwork" model we set up and are now starting to revolt! SO we are off to a park with friends to play and "fun" their bad mood out of them! I think they are picking up on my stress about all my family coming to my house next week which cant be a good thing for them either.....will work on that.

BEAUTIFUL day in Seattle today BTW. Off to enjoy it NOW - bye

Jane Austin Book Club

Thu, 10 Jul 2008 16:51:09 GMT

Last night I saw the movie "Becoming Jane". It was lovely - I had my tea and had a chick flick night. The kids were asleep - Harry was working - I had "ME" time. Anyway, I had no idea it was such a sad story. I am glad she "lived by her pen" which was relatively unheard of in her time, but so sad that she lost Mr. Lafoy. It of course made me think of love's lost, people I will never see again, etc. but you know, I consider myself SO lucky which is not a great exciting story but it is my happy ending I know. So many people rant and complain and bemoan their marriages - If only HE would change, IF only SHE would do this or that - if only I had done this or that differently - etc etc etc. It became a night of self examination. I am happy to say that not only am I an extremily fortunate woman to be married to Harry who is a great husband and an amazing father, but I have been fortunate to surround myself with friends here in the forst that are equally thankful for their situation - I think that is sorta important. Not that I dont love and listen to friends who need to "vent" about their marriages, we ALL need that from time to time, but most of the people in my immediate circle take marriage and family as seriously as I do - which is to say PARAMOUNT. (again, not that people who have needed to divorce did not consider family paramount - I understand that there are VERY real reasons for divorce and seperation - I am talking about the mid life crisis "I am just not HAPPY" people - that gets to me in many ways - being the child of twoce divorced, "I am just not happy" parents).....WOW this has gotten off the rail fast.

BACK to JANE - I was so sad for her. She lived her life not only by her pen but through it. I am re-reading her material now with new luster, searching for the words her heart longed for with a new found sadness and a new thankfulness that I have been so fortunate to have co-created this family that is mine, Harry's, "OURS". I know he gets all red when I gush about it, but I think far too many people leave it unsaid, "THANK YOU for our life, dear husband - thank you for your support, your love, our kids, our home, your sacrifices, my sacrifices, our friendship and our laughter" OK mushy stuff over - Harry try to stop turning purple, people will stare.....

A Good Day

Wed, 09 Jul 2008 07:05:50 GMT

Today was INCREDIBLE. We played at Inglewood Beach in Bellevue ALL day. The kids swam and played and just frolicked with their friends. It was how I remembered days at the beach from when I was a kid only without the waves. There was even an Eagle that swooped down from time to time catching fish out on the water! I mean it was breathtaking! Then later I went to see this band http://www.edshawentertainment.com/artists3/afrodisiacs/index.htm at the Kirkland waterfront with my good friend Laura and we danced the night away without the kids. It was a blast! We saw the sun go down over the water and then spent the evening walking around Kirkland talking and window shoping like a couple of 20 somethings without a care in the world. We talked about the kids, the husbands, the schools, life, etc. It was just one of those days. I dont want it to end, but alas I am tired and my belly hurts from too much activity.....till tommorrow....I have pictures but I cant download so you will have to wait for Harry and he is SWAMPED! Poor guy I was out having fun and he was home working, what a Trojan! He is some kind of guy, that man of mine. I hope he knows how much I appreciate these nights off, he gets a gold star.

Sheer Volume

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 17:51:49 GMT

You know - I was NEVER the gal who sat in the closet eating a tub of ice cream alone. I am A. too social and B. never liked Ice Cream enough. Ha ha ha. I used to think, "I dont think I eat that much, why am I this big?" and I had PLENTY of things to blame it on. Things like my PCOS which makes me insullin resisitant. It is true that many many women with PCOS struggle with weight so it was an easy target. It of course contributed but was not the absolute factor - no no no. I WAS. Here is how I KNOW now.

Last night I was allowed "real" food. We had to keep the kids out of the house because the carpets were just shampooed (yes again - we do this several times a year because we live in the woods and the carpets get filthy but also to help with Rileyanne's asthma). ANYWAY we went to a Thai place and ordered the kids some garlic beans (their favorite believe it or not) and I ordered crab phad thai figuring we would share. My dish came and it was DIVINE but it handily fed all three of us, was a lovely side dish for Harry's Panang Curry and I have seriously at least two meals worth in the fridge for later. Can you believe that? In the past I easily would have eaten that entire dish alone, plus an appetizer to share and maybe a dessert later! I had no idea what I was consuming or how much! I sat and politely, slowly, consciously, chewed and enjoyed the meal. Before I knew it, my 20 minutes had passed and the kids and I had pretty much picked the crab and egg (Riley liked the crab - good girl, Patrick the egg, I liked both) and some noodles out. Plus some beans. It was lovely. Afterwards, again, very unlike me, I wanted to WALK.

This is odd because, well, when I think about what I used to polish off, I would sit there in a food coma just trying to grip what my body was processing. Now, I am ready to MOVE after a meal to help it get through. I need the stretch and I want to walk. It is a new feeling. So Patrick and I took a walk. This is a lovely new thing and special time for the kids and I to share.

SO for all my complaining, already I am seeing benefits from this surgery. I am down 37 pounds, I am off my diabetic medication Metformin completely, and I am ready to MOVE. As soon as I get the go ahead I cannot wait to hit the pool, get in some sort of shape and start on the Masters swim team again. My goal? Well, I want to find a relay team for next years triathalons so I can do the swimming leg. Who is sitting on their ass now????

Another fun side note - if you are not eating much, you eat GOOD. Here is the deal - with the band you gotta chew your food like 40 times before your swallow. You better make sure you like the taste of that stuff because that is a LONG time in your mouth, You really get all the flavor out of whatever you put inside it. No more inhale and go for me. I will yak, and I am completely adverse to yaking. Not only this, but at a place where we used to spend like $60 easy for a family of 4 to eat (which is still pretty reasonable) we only spent $45 last night. that is a nice side note - buy better but buy less.

Now trying to explain to the waiter that I did not want water was tough, he just did not get it. I cannot drink during a meal - it is not good for the band. I drink up to 20 minutes before eating and then wait an hour after eating. It takes getting used to and explaining to my Mother why I cannot drink water while I eat is an endless battle but that is the way we "Bandsters" do it and you know what? I have thus far lost weight so I am playing along. :)

Diapers

Mon, 07 Jul 2008 06:49:07 GMT

I just finished potty training Rileyanne. No diapers, not even pull ups at bed time! She is such a BIG girl! She beat Patrick who I thought was doing pretty good at 3 1/2 to be out completely by almost 6 months! Girls rock.

But now, my poor old puppy D'Artagnon, whom we have always called D'Art (mostly because he is a little black streak of a black party pomeranian running this way and that - even still) at the YOUNG age of 16 is finally in diapers. I broke down and got him some puppy male cloth diapers and lined them with DEPENDS (beause to do so is literally HALF the price of the dog brand for the same result) and so, one out of diapers one in. You win some you loose some.

Poor guy though, he looks at me like, "What is this crap?" but I have yet to wake up and it is dry. He has a hard time walking and it is loose enough, I think he just does not like the feel of it, who could blame him. His dignity, his hearing (he did not even stir on the 4th with fireworks in the front yard! Usually he barks so hard all 4 legs come off the ground!) and his arthritis are acting up. BUT I remain steadfast - my only job is to love him up and help him out. I know he does not think that is what I am doing with the diaper but it is. I just cant keep cleaning the carpets anymore. Not only expensive, but the house just WREAKS! I am using vinegar which gets the smell, but leaves the house smelling like a gigantic salad for about a week. But by the time the salad toss smell fades, he has peed again all over so it is a vicious cycle. SO it was diaper time or off to the garage which gets way too cold in the winter - who am I kidding, it STILL feels like winter here at 45 degree at night in JULY!

So, D'Art, this pad's for you, boy. Poor guy.

Did You See It???

Sun, 06 Jul 2008 14:36:57 GMT

Last night an amazing thing happened in Omaha at the Olympic Trials for the US Olympic Swim Team. Dara Torres, at the age of 41 (your read that right, let me spell it out FORTY ONE) not only MADE HER FIFTH Olympic team but she also made an American Record in the 50 meter freestyle. She did this with her 2 year old daughter watching in the stands! She is hands down my freaking hero! She is AMAZING! I was screaming and jumping and hollering so loudly my son got out of bed and came downstairs to see what was the matter. When he got here I had tears in my eyes I was so happy for her (and all us old broads). Unbelievable!

Look, only 2 other "kids" on the team were even ALIVE when she competed in her first games in 1984 at the age of 17, did you know that? She has won several Gold medals, she has risin above dopping charges that ruin most carreers by stepping up and subjecting herself to any testing they have and she HAS A KID! She took a 7 year "retirement" only to come back and just kick ass. I loved her style, her grace, her speed. The 50 meter is a race horse event, it is for the speed demons, if yo are older than say 25 you cant usually cut it. Muscles just cant keep up with the synapses of the young ones, but some hoe she has conditioned her body and done not only the impossible to win but the incredible to beat the record! It was a scream worthy moment!

I want tee shirts that save, "Dara Torres, One Fast Mamma!" or "Mamma in the Fast Lane" or something. I want her picture on my wall like a teenager. AMAZING!!!!

Small Non-Surgical Victories

Sat, 05 Jul 2008 20:32:37 GMT

My new on line support group calls these NSV (non surgical victories) and yesterday and today I have had a few! With all my moaning and groaning I thought I would share some. Sorry the pictures are not yet downloaded from the camera (HARRY!) but I will get some here soon....

We went to a 4th party yesterday and while we were invited to a few I chose to stay close to home in case I was just not up to it. I was in charge of desert and baked a huge sheet cake and 32 cup cakes and came home with NOTHING LEFT. On top of that I made my favorites and everyone enjoyed them but I was not even tempted. That was a nice feeling. NSV #1.

While at the BBQ I should have packed some food but was determined not to make a scene and figured since I walked there if there truly was nothing there for me I could walk home, but I stuck to the dip try (I am still on mushy food only - think anything blended like baby food - soft enough to mash with a fork) but I was hopeful for some potato salad. It was yummy but still too hard so I stuck to a spoonful of guacamole and hummous. It was yummy and I ate with everyone without having to scream I had my own "SPECIAL" diet food, so that was nice. NSV#2.

While everyone ate dessert, I had waited a full hour after eating and had a lovely little glass of REAL lemonade. Delish. Nothing major and I felt like I got a treat. NSV #3.

I came home early and the kids stayed out with Dad watching fireworks. Then today we went to Home Depot and such and while out decided to eat. I was actually a little worried - where the heck do I go? No bread, no rice, no pasta and it has to be soft enough to mash with a fork....MEXICAN! At least I could have some beans was my thought.

I ordered a crab enchilada a verde and it was DIVINE. I ate it "autopsy" style which I know sounds vile but was not so bad it just means I cut it open and only ate the insides not the tortilla. I ate some guac with it and salsa and beans. Only 3 (I counted) VERY small forkfulls of rice that were with other stuff and chewed to oblivion too. I had cut my plate in half so I knew what half of the order was and only ate half of that with my crabs stuff and had tons to bring home. I could have eaten more but thought better of it, I placed my forkl DOWN between bites and as soon as I got the first hiccup (which is the sign that your pouch is distended) I stopped. NSV # 4.

Now normally I would have finished that whole plate and instead of ordering one enchilada on a special order I would have gotten a full order of two of them and eaten the whole thing. I would have felt like sitting there for a while and I would have drank several glasses of something with the meal. With the band you drink up to 20 minutes before you eat and not again for an hour afterwards. After I ate my small but great lunch I was ready to walk around and shop - it was a great feeling to be nourished and not FULL. NSV # 5.

We went shopping, and after we got our errands done I ran into Starbucks to use the potty. The coffee smelled so good and I wanted a Honey Latte pretty bad as it had started to rain and we were returning home for nap time qand I just wanted to cozy up - but it had not been an hour, I did not need the caffeine and my body really was "full" in the new banded sense so I enjoyed the aroma and walked out. NSV#6 (seriously the old me would have finished all the food AND had the coffee and probably a baked good - gee I wonder why I weigh 100 pounds over weight??)

SO there you go - all that moaning and I am now sitting on 6 NSV's in a two day span, hot shit, huh? Also when I started I was 267 at weigh in with the Dr. Yesterday at weigh in at home I was 235. That is 30 pounds from April to now. Hot shit is right baby. 100 pounds from now? Are you kidding me? That was what I was in HIGH SCHOOL! Bring it ON! And then take my cute little patooty back to Hawaii, ok? I would LOVE to go surfing in a bikini like I did in High School too!!! (I bet Harry would like that as well!)

The Kind Of Woman

Thu, 03 Jul 2008 18:11:32 GMT

Lightning - Thunder - now hail the size of golf balls - um we are staying home but it is so dang cool! Cleaning and picking up - it is time to clean house! Literally!

So what am I listening to? Well I love the new song (I think it is new - it is new to me) by Jewel called Stronger Woman - there is a line in it where she says something like, "From now on I am gonna be the kinda woman I want my daughter to be"......I like that. If you want to check it out - here you go.

God Is Bowling

Thu, 03 Jul 2008 14:02:15 GMT

Last night we had one of those electric light storms that I used to read about before moving to the Pac NW. The kind where you teah your kids to start to count once they see the streak of light because the thunder clap is so thunderously loud it sounds like it is in their bedroom. The light creasing the sky and shooting between our 70 foot + trees was spectacular! It interrupted your dreams with crazy throbs of urgency usually reserved for emergencies, but non ever really arose. Then came the rain, soft at first, then sheets, then hard buckets. That was whe you know you were in for more of "the SHOW" and the sky lights this morning have certainly not disappointed.

I am thinking this is a cleansing rain. I will look at it that way anyway. I went to the Dr. yesterday to look at my incision sites and all is well. He even said I could move on to soft foods! WOW! Now I can eat something not just drink liquids as I have the past few weeks. Last night I had 1/4 cup of cottage cheese for dinner and it was the best cottage cheese I have ever tasted in my life. I was good, I used a very small spoon and made it last but I could have inhaled it. I also had a small piece of watermelon but I felt that so I stopped there.

I slept like I have never slept. Racing thoughts, thanks to the rain, her friend thunder and thunder's sister Lightning. The cat oddly seems so relaxed through the storm, as does the dog. No freaking out, just a sorta, "Dude, do you believe this?" and more than once I have caught them both looking out the window with nary a stir. I take that as the cleanse, while needed is a good thing.

SO as I look at my "Poetic Soul" and its nw day, my new day of food - actual food - and walking/exercise, the world around me is clean and I am starting fresh as well. God's bowling game (that is what we used to call lightning and thunder when I was a kid) is doing me some serious good, and I am sitting here watching the "Show" unfurl while I drink my tea and await my family to wake from their wild thunderous dreams. I dont remember all of mine but I do know it included a dragon - which I attribute to the lightning storm completely. I also know whatever I was doing in it I woke up more tired than I went to sleep - it was an action dream. SO we will see how the kids are doing today....

Poetic Anatomy

Wed, 02 Jul 2008 15:55:42 GMT

Ok ok ok - so I am documenting my down moments - as you can see by other posts - but every morning I must admit I wake up feeling fine. Happy actually - sure of myself. It is only after a day of feeding the kids and not actually being fully able to be my "old" me that I start to crumple. Well, becioming a "new" me was sorta the point, wasn't it? I must trust such things. In doing so I have started reading again - to take my mind off the tummy which I am so obviously obsessing over.

In reading I came across this lovely phrase from a book I am almost through called Eat, Love, Pray (I know it was a bestseller for years and I am slow to the table - forgive the joke - but it is a good read). Here is the quote:

"Just as there exists in writing a literal truth and a poetic truth, there also exists in a human being a literal anatomy and a poetic anatomy. One you can see; one you cannot. One is made of bones and teeth and flesh; the other is made of energy and memory and faith. But both are equally true"

I am deciding that that my Borg Band is like a link between my literal anatomy and my poetic one. At least today it is. And in my struggle with this pain, the liquid diet and the deprevation I am feeling, I am finding that there exists also at times battles between memory and faith - my memory of what I perceived as love from my food (and of my food) and faith that I can be a healthier and more fulfilled person if I trust in the good food that I am choosing to feed my body and soul from now on. A little cosmic cookie true - but it helps me.

Here is a little more, in case I have not hit you over the head enough - Beginings are usually scary, endings are usually sad, but the middle is what we live for. I am paraphrasing from HOPE FLOATS but it is true - I am at the begining of myjourney with my Borg Band so it is scary and at the end of my love/hate affair with unhealthy food which is sad - so I am getting a two for one. Soon I will be healed and working towards my goal so that will be where the stuff I am really made of is - I am off to go psych myself up for it!

OUCH and OUCH!

Wed, 02 Jul 2008 00:52:12 GMT

So, last night I tried to sleep in my bed. I am missing my darling hubby who has been sleeping on the couch so that I am not all alone downstairs. We went to bed and having not had much contact I just wanted to snuggle I snuggled in behind him. You know, over a week on my back was ENOUGH. I am a tummy/side sleeper so this has been harder than I thought it would be. It is the little things you dont think about - I dont mean to complain but it sucks. SO I snuggled in and fell right asleep. He was so snuggly and warm and I was so love you love you snuggle you with him, you know? So we are snoozing about, oh 15 minutes, not long, arms all hugging, and suddenly I felt like someone stabbed me in the tummy. HARD. I leapt out of bed because I was seriously going to barf all over my poor love and started to cough. Forgot to hold my belly and it reminded me about it too. OUCH!

What the hell have I done to myself? What the fuck was I thinking? I cant eat, I cant pick up my kids, I cant hug my husband as we sleep and now I cant even sleep in my own bed. Great choice, babe. This whole Borg thing is not working so hot. Not even a week and I am reeling feeling like a hungry failure and wondering what the fuck was I thinking? Ugly, fat and out of control was not SO bad, was it? Well, yes it was, but it was still better than this crap.

SO that was a down moment obviously. I am up and I am down and I am constantly wondering if I have done the right thing and at any moment I could burst into tears. What the hell is wrong with me???? I want to be a poster kid, but this is so hard. The other "Bandsters" cann this phase "Bandstar hell" but of course no one told me about that when I was signing up (or at least I did not hear it - so I am making sure I write it down in case I forget later) Seriously - I hurt, I am hungry, I am an emotional wreck and I miss my family. They are here with me, but as they eat their food and talk and hug and frolic and the most I can do is watch I am not a part of them, you know? It is just hard. No one understand AND my damn period has started and stopped 3 times since the surgery! What is the deal with that? I needed that extra stress - thanks a lot. Even the pregnancy God is not missing an opportunity to snub me - wouldnt want her to feel left out and all I am sure.

SO there you go. All day I have wanted something to chew on - nothing in particular (though a hamburger would not suck - gee I wonder how I turned into a barn?) but this evening I will have to excuse myself from the dinner table. I really will. That is enough. I have had it with the sweet shit. Why is everything SO sugary? I know you look at my a$$ and think I would like that but ENOUGH already - I want something besides Sugar Free Fat Free Jello.

OK Mary Sunshine is signing off - just in case you are reading all those "success" stories (Gee I got my band, I was fine, by day 2 I was back at work - I was never hungry again, I felt great never looked back - blah blah blah -) I wanted to tell you not everyone is like that. Nope not every one is. Maybe I was just supposed to be fat and invisible and inhealthy at least then I was smiling and telling jokes and hugging my kids who thought I held the world instead of just sitting in my jammies scared to touch the incision sites. I got hit today with a handle of a door in my belly and WHAM my period started AGAIN for the THIRD time this afternoon. With PCOS your period can start and stop a lot but this is NOT the time. I so do NOT have time.

OK since I have nothing nice to say I will stop rambling. By the way, Harry again the hero - as I continue to sleep on the reclyner he wqas on the couch (again) so I would not be alone. Aw. How cute is that? Someone wrote me today that they had to be in their recliner for 6 weeks! SIX! The worst I was told was "Three days and you will be ready to go back to normal" three days my a$$.

Photo Album: Riley's Playdate

Fri, 07 Sep 2007 14:39:27 GMT

Riley's Playdate

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Photo Album: August 13

Tue, 14 Aug 2007 05:45:53 GMT

August 13

DSC00333

Camp Pierson Group Photo

Goof Balls

Goof Balls Part Deux

Tent City

Run Amok

Before the tents arrive

Cauht setting up a tent!

Allison, Rolf & Lily

Mikayla, Kaity-Anne & Patrick

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Photo Album: Camp Days

Wed, 18 Jul 2007 15:55:04 GMT

Camp Days

A man and his grill

Daddy, Riley & Crafts

Patrick the Goofball

Friendly hugs

Climbing Patrick

Climbing Riley

Julie & Dee

Monkey in the Trees

Love

Riley on the Issaquah Express

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Photo Album: July 14

Sat, 14 Jul 2007 08:13:57 GMT

July 14

Swimming Day!

Water World

ELMO live

Hats

SIbling Love

Goofballs

Hi, RIley

Water Days

Hi Ya

Pierson Family

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Photo Album: May Photo Shoot

Mon, 14 May 2007 04:59:53 GMT

May Photo Shoot

Collage

Holding Hands

Stealing Kisses

Close Up

Hey There!

Hi There!

Pony Tails

Get A Load A Me!

Spring!

Photo Album: Summer Play 2006

Tue, 22 Aug 2006 06:39:08 GMT

Summer Play 2006

Red Wagon

Patrick & Riley at the water hole

Run Riley Run

How you doin'?

Aw....

Hello Patrick!

Water play!

Kisses

Rileyanne Drivin' Da Big Rig

Cousins at the farm

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Photo Album: Lake Washington With The Gellers

Tue, 22 Aug 2006 06:25:33 GMT

Lake Washington With The Gellers

Patrick & Lila

Shipmates!

DW3 (driving While 3)

I dont need no stinkin' license!

Ride & Watch

Oh Capt. My Capt. (Capt. Dave)

Cathia Catchin' Rays

Riley Likes Water!

Say Cheese!

Lila Looses Her Sea Legs!

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Photo Album: Camp Pierson '06

Tue, 22 Aug 2006 06:24:35 GMT

Camp Pierson '06

Leanne & Cameron

Patrick & Tent

Cameron & Mikayla

Riley & Noah

Riley & Tomoe

Rileyanne & Tomoe

Daddy, Kids & Tent Pierson

Cameron Teeters

Victoria & Nicolai

Riley Chillin in da tent

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Photo Album: January 28

Tue, 20 Jun 2006 15:56:04 GMT

January 28

Christmas Riley

Patrick Picasso

Patrick likes snow!

SO big!

Mommy & Riley

Pile On!

Merry Christmas!

Got Bear?

Winter Dreams

Looking Good

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TechieWife

Lube 'N Tube

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Jane Austin Book Club

A Good Day

Sheer Volume

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Did You See It???

Small Non-Surgical Victories

The Kind Of Woman

God Is Bowling

Poetic Anatomy

OUCH and OUCH!

Photo Album: Riley's Playdate

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Photo Album: Camp Days

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