Wondering if this picture is gonna come out. I turn 40 in November - I swear I look younger now (thanks to the weight loss) than I did through most of my 30's!

You remember I have the Lap Bad, right? I am now down a lot - started at 275 and am currently in the 185 - 190 range. Maybe lower it has been a while since I weighed...I am working with a personal trainer, hiking almost daily and taking in more than 15,000 steps a day - so yes, thanks, I am working my ass literrally right the fuck off. Someone asked me yesterday how I had managed to loose my almost 95 pounds thus far. While I am still focused on the 50 or so to go, I blushed and said, what I am sure many of you have said, "It is not rocket science - it is eating less and moving more. It is not hard math - it is basic subtraction and addition. However, the hard part comes in committing yourself to the process and working it". Then I rolled my eyes because, of course I myself heard that many MANY times as my formerly VERY fat person I was. I rolled my eyes for the condescention that I am sure this person heard but was not intended, I know I heard it loud and clear when people told me proudly that this was the answer I was looking for, but hey this gal asked me how I did it so I told her. Then came the biggie, "DOnt you wish you had gotten the band sooner?" to which my choices were to respond, "Yes I wish I had" or what I said which was "No, because I was not ready sooner. I was ready when I was ready - I get that I needed to go through all I went through to be ready and I am ready now - so I got it when I was set to do what I needed to do - had I gotten t sooner I would have sabotaged the entire process."

 

This shocked the poor gal. Honesty can do that. I am putting away guilt. I refuse to feel badly that I did not do this sooner because, as I said, I was not ready sooner. I was ready last year, I did it, and if my numbers stay constant in two years I will have removed almost 40 years of over eating, guilt eating, self hate eating and other demons. I am meeting them every day with every healthy bite, every healthy choice and every healthy step in exercise. It is a battle, it is bloody, I am taking no prisoners and I feel pretty damn good about that.

 

Anyway, I just thought I would share and say that it is a lot easier to just be honest - and guilt free - at least where you can be. :) That was what I had to share today anyway -

While I was gone there were some hreads on my support bandster site about, well honesty. Some people were hurt when a dear friend, supportive nurse and inspirational writr was at best honest (I know, shocking, huh) with them when they were needing perhps a swift kick in the behind. I men hello, eatting ice crem is NOT exactly conducive to weight loss, is this really a surprse? Anyway, Jessie said, "I just want to say thanks for all the responses encouraging truth telling.
Sometimes I feel like a crabby old bitch (sometimes I am a crabby old bitch"

Listen, sometimes calling a spade a spade is a necessary and blessed thing. I would not go so far as to call Jessie any of the names she just called herself, but I love her AND her candid responses. We cannot own how others interpret our responses - no matter how kindly (or...ahem...less then kindy) we intend them. When we put stuff in print it is subject to that reader's moods, their day, their internal filters, etc. most all of which no one but the reader can control. If we read everything in a negative spin, well, surprise it will be percieved negatively when we ponder it. If you assume somone is a..ahem..."crabby old bitch" then their responses will appear crabby, bitchy, mean, whatever adjective you wish to label it with. If, however, you assume that others want to help you and be honest and call a spade a spade, well then while responses may sting a tad at least they can enlighten and hopefully help (which I happen to KNOW foe an axiom that is Jessie's intention, crab and old asside :)

I just returned from a much neeed surfing trip. I went to Santa Brbara and just plain needd to go home nd remember who I am and where I come from. That involved a board, some waves and frankly an In-n-Out burger (or so I thought). I got there, ordered my small kid burger in lettuce only no bun and it was LOVELY. I did not finish it and that was ok, it was crap for me, but it was lovely. Like a chocolate. Little taste and then enough. The waves were choice though I got a smackdown and killed my hand on one set right out of the gate. I interprted that as the beach's way of slapping me upside the head like a friend who does so saying, "What took you so long to come around again, dork?" Ha h ha once I got my groove and my board on I was good. I feel great!

I learned a few things too. It took me 2 years to "go home" and when we ate at some favorite haunts, while I cut out the bread, I over ordered. EVERYWHERE. Even when I THOUGHT I was being smart, careful, frugal I over ordered. It amazed me to see what I used to consume and what I would order before being banded. I charted while gone - not really vacation-ie of me I know, but when I realized Iwas in trouble over ordering I needed to chrt to stay honest. Then it really hit me who I was and where I come from was a beach, a board and lets face it - being truthful and honest it was a lot of sheer gluttony.

SO I made peace with the ocean, said goodby to the crap I really dont  and said thank you to Cybill (my band -I call her Cybill because on any givenda she has a different idea of who she is and how to treat me - she is a fickle bitch)and embraced th ME Iam becoming. Crabby and old asside....

Julianne Pierson
NWWLS June 08 Dr Mihealson
275/255/243.8/190/150
Start/consult/surgery/now/goal