I do not know who wrote this but I did laugh out loud when  read it - it is one of those email jokes that gets passed along - so sit back and enjoy....

 

Not exactly but yes in a way. Cryptic enough for ya???? :) Well, I have had a wonderfully stressed out and insane Summer of illnesses, Hospital trips, surgery with children and Dog and house emergencies - but I made it out. I liken the journey this Summer to being stuck in WHite Wash. Any other surfers out there? When you start tumbling in the whiite wash, it is a violent and potentially frightening saga of trying to find air, footing or both. When you finally get spit out you must decide if you will bail to shore or head back out when there is a break and start over. I see the shore, I awknowledge it is there, waiting, with a cooler full of healthy snacks and a drink or two, but damn it I will not let the last few sets of crappy starts,stops and white wash own me. I am headed back out.

 

School starts next week. I am working on a work out schedule as I type that encompasses who needs to be where when (I have multiple schedules to juggle) and lets the dog have more to do. Poor thing. Other than routine trips to the Dog Park her summer sucked too!

 

The good news is I mosly plateaued. My hope is that I have re-set my set point. You know, the one that thought honestly that I was meant to be over 250 pounds because every time I reset there? Well, that sucker has had a chance to get to know the 190's and get good and comfortable. Suck it in, set button, here is the last bastion. I will never ever allow myself over that mark again. Now off to see how to get to 145.....

 

All that said, I will awknowledge something else. With the loss of food as my crutch, I have made some really poor misunderstandings of people around me. I have not been as up front as I would like to have been (and even must admit to myself the worst - I falsely thought I was more honest than I have actually been and must own that in a few points I have been the bad guy - that sucks), I have also have been prone to assume the worst of many people around me and questioned their intentions and completely personalized EVERYTHING. Anyone else do that? I am talking to someone now in efforts to learn how not to internalize, demonize and otherwise screw up my relationships, but it is not easy. One lesson I learned today that I thought I would share was:

 

When you make a mistake, punishment is not required, but fixing it is.

 

That's a good one, huh? The other one I am working on is:

 

Know when, where and with whome to share your story.

 

Not everyone needs/wants/can hear it and you should not trust everyone to be kind with your heart. Whoa. I mean duh but still, whoa.

So, this Fall I will be working on a work out agenda. I will be charting my food and financial expenses. I will plan a way to travel with my family AND I will learn how to set and maintain boundaries. I will change a lot I think. It is in the air. Exciting.

Thank you again for providing a safe place to share!

It is a new school year! Ptrick's teacher, Mrs. Wilcox, seems SO lovely and perfect for him! She was bright and shiny and smiley and excited to hear from him and I dare say we are going to have a very good scholastic year! I disclosed to her about some upcoming trips we will be taking this year (to California almost immediately after school starts, and then for two whole weeks just about in November) and she was very excited for him and encouraging about sharing his experiences with the class. YAY! I see  you tube ccount in my boy's future!

 

Alas, his BEST buds - pretty much all of them - are not in his class. His best girl friend whom he adores is just next door but worlds away if you ask him. He was up at 5:30 am this morning and ready by the door by 6:30 am waiting to see his friends. He anxiously signed up for cub scouts (he will be with his buddy Collin at least then, he too is in the class next door) but all his best friends have been scattered. I believe my boy will make new fiends fast, and they are SO smart to do this to prevent cliques from forming - I mean some will anyway, you just cannot avoid it entirely, but it is a good way to ensure that everyone meets and gets to work with new friends! At least two friends from last year are with him nd two members of his Tee Ball team will be there too so that is fantastic! I'm just looking to the possitive and hugging him. Change is hard for him - wonder where he gets THAT??? Pot meet kettle, she likes strolls on the beach, mojitos and the familiar a lot of the time.....ha ha ha.

 

Unfortuntely the stress I was experiencing this morning  must have rubbed off. I am so sorry dear ones that sometimes I worry too. Oh well, we will get through, we WILL have a fantastic year AND we will make new friends. All good things! 

Today the kids and I enjoyed a free day. Free movie at a cinema event, free lunch picnic at a park with friends and a free game of bowling thanks to a hot tip from a friend and an on line coupon. FUN! After the bowling though I was thirsty. SO I drove through the local drive through
thinking surely I could get vitamin water or a SF coffee or something. It is amazing what happens when you take a minute to look into what you are about to "splurge" on. Like with my new tightened belt (literally nd figuratively) I am paying atention to what I spend - money wise and calorie wise. SO I looked carefully at the menu. Now that they post what everything thing is calorically it is amazing to me tht anyone buys anything in a drive through! I never realized that the SMALL coffee drink I used to just whip through the drive through to get was almost 500 cals! A large, which I KNOW I have on occssion had, is almost 1000 cals! That is my whole day in a friggin cup! I spent $0.33 cents in the end and got a large water. WITH ice - I know I live dangerously. Ha ha ha. Seriously though, I encourage you to pay very close attention and remember what Jessie says, "NO LIQUID CALS" they add up fast and because they slip right through the bnd you never see that one coming. Or maybe you do, but I was surprised. I look at my journal and count up what I ijest almost daily. If I am scred to write it down, I dont eat it, tht simple. Looking at it as I have 900-1200 cl to spend a day, like a check book, mkes me make my food choices count.

Anyway thought I would share my cautionary tale. I am proud my kids saw me work that out and happily get iced water. It was actually very refreshing and in most places it is completely free - like McD's - if you are on the road and need a drink. 33 cents is better than the $2.50 I would have spent on a coffee drink or whtever, and it hydrated me, gave me ice to munch as I drove home and cost me nothing to journal bout later. Talk about win win win....

I belong to a diet support group and my guru, Jessie Ahroni, who also wrote the definative book on Lap Band Surgery (incidentally it was her book that convinced me to have the surgery that has changed my life and lter, after the surgery I got to meet her and as luck would have it she is now my nurse who has helped me every step of my journey and whom I confide everything in - she is my angel on Earth) gave a very detailed explaination about simple sugar nd why one with a lap band (or any serious dieter) would want to avoid them... Here is a layman's perspective. As you know I, as mny of us women dieters, have PCOS. PCOS among other things creates an imbalance of insullin and my body's reaction to it. As luck would hve it, the very things I should avoid (simple carbs, bread, rice, pasta, potatoes, sugar - etc) are the very things that triggor adverse reactions with my PCOS. They make me gain water weight and store fat, my body reacts to the surge of insillin as though I were in famine and stores EVERYTHING thinking I'm starving and that this surplus is a downfall it may never see again. And the mood swings! Dear Lord the mood swings - euphoric at first and then the crash can be anything from depression to severe headaches. I know this even better now because I participted in  birthday last night in which I ate foods I have been avoiding for a year. A YEAR! A year in which I was blessedly able to get off my Metformin ( diabetic drug often used to treat PCOS sufferers like me) and in so doing got a mac daddy of a migraine this morning. SO bad I am seriously considering going to the ER for an IV again, something I have not had to do since the surgery! I used to do it often, well often enough a in 3 times a year the migrane would crazy train away from me so badly that I needed help to catch up.

 

Yesterday, my Mom turned 72. We shared a steak dinner with a baked potato and veggies and for dessert all 5 of us shared one cookie sundae. Now that my not sound like much, but as soon as I had no less than a few bites of the sundae that damned headache began. It stayed with me and was bad enough to get me out of bed at 3 am for medicine. I have since taken Alieve and excedrine (in different time intevals) and even tried  few cups of coffee to battle the headache. I am now feeling a tad nauseated and have sent the children for a day with their father so I can sit in quiet and darkness. I thought I would share before going to lay down because, well it is fresh in my mind and maybe, since it is on topic it will help someone else avoid my situation.

 

I have avoided these headaches for a yearhes, (not all headaches - I have still had a few lately more because I am taking mediction for inducing menupause - oh yes it is FUN TIMES at the Pierson house I tell ya! But I have voided these whopper migrines for a year), and I do not believe that it is a coincidence that I have this "Mutha" headache the day after eating sugar like I have not done in a year. Sugar (and the simple carbs that create it in my blood stream) is just not my insullin resistant self's friend. I KNOW THAT but now I REALLY know that.

 

So beyond the pain of a stuck stomach (these simple foods can create a block in the opening between my upper and lower stomch now that the band is in place. As such, it can induce vomiting which can create a "slipped band" which would need surgery to fix), which I avoided by cutting my portion in half, not adding the much desired extra sour cream and butter and eating slowly plus not finishing the portion I left on my plate, I am now in complete belief of  different reason to just cut the sugar crap out - these migraines are avoidable and so painful - Excersize, WATER, healthy foods are the ticket  it is not rocket science, but the math just added up so well it is not  coincidence that my sugar rush contributed to my head rush

 

Now to go flog myself in the dark....just kidding, we Catholics dont do that anymore....ha ha ha ouch ouch ouch dont mke me laugh....

I had a slight fill yesterday and am blissfully happier. I know that may sound insane, but there it is. I have been so wide open and white knuckling everything, counting things again, measuring, begging, hiding from food, etc. That is not why I had this surgery. No, I dont expect my band to do the work for me, but as a tool if it is too loose it just is not worth the surgery. I had it loose for a great many reasons, but it was time to get back in the swing of things. This morning while at the hospital (my dear baby girl had surgery today on her poor ears - Sorry to Jessie who had to put up with both of them yesterday, they were in rare form with Riley unable to hear and Patrick just plain bored after so many Dr appointments) but we are healing now. Anyway at the hospital I had a normal sized breakfast once she was in recovey and when I felt that first "full" stab I smiled SO big as I passed the food away from me. There is just nothing so wonderful as seeing food still on your plate and having no need or intention of finihing because you just dont need to and have the power and will to say enough and walk away. My husband, smiled too thinking I was happy that my girl was ok, and of course I was, but it just felt like things were getting back on track.

 

She was recovering, I could let go of a LOT of stress (having a child who cannot hear and is in pain is stressful) and felt my familiar friend down below who was telling me to stop eating and slow my roll. It is a sense of control I have been missing for a while since my major unfill at the begining of Summer.

 

At any rate, I am back on track. It is also funny, well not in a "ha ha" way, but funny none the less that when you have restriction and are full, crap does not have the same power over you. While wide open, as I mentioned, I white knuckled it at parties or in the store near the chips or bread. On the way home, we needed to stop at Whole Paycheck (ahem I mean whole foods) and they have my FAVORITE downfall chips - the Spicy Thai Kettle ones - oh Lord. As soon as we got in the parking lot I thought of them and almost immediately I said to myself, "Self", says I, "What is the deal? Do you REALLY want/need that?" and admittedly the answer was no. Not that this would stop me in the past but I felt my inner self roll her eyes at me and say, "Oh alright,whatever" in a snotty teenage voice as I walked proudly right by those ding dong chips and basically said to the entire section that it could kiss my patootie goodbye. Ha ha ha ah the power. Seriously, nothing like it.

 

SO, empowered by my strength, I came home, snuggled with my recovering brave gal who got to recouperate without a night at the hospital thanks to my nebulizer and ear drops for her, and had some SF Acai berry juice and yummy ice chips. That may not sound good to everyone, but considering it was a happy, satisfied, healthy feeling of empowerment and will power I am super excited to chomp my ice chips and feel every ounce of healthy berry juice with no calories nourish my body. That stuff had a ton of Vitamins in it and I swear it is a natural mood boost. That and knowing my girl will be able to sleep tonight - well maybe tomorrow night - without pain is priceless.

 

Oh and BTW that baby girl of mine is SO SUPER UBER BRAVE! She was just amazing and her strength just so feeds our entire family. She is one amazig force of nature, that one I know she is in pain now, but she said, "Mommy, Patrick has had to wait for me all morning, we should go ride bikes for him". Aw. That coupled with him yesterday using his allowance (or so he thinks - I replacedhis allowance right away for being such an amazing brother) went to the store, picked out the bananas after much investigation on which was the PERFECT one and ice cream to make her a banana split last night to help herfeel better about surgery in themorning was priceless. I have two amazingly awesome kids!

Sorry so long, had to share!

OK so I turn 40 this Fall and I am taking it harder than I thought I would. No other birthday seemed that big a deal before, but this one is gettin to me. By now I thought I would have done SO much! I thought I would have been working to change the world - and whie motherhood is fantastic and truly important I just thought there would be more to me. Now that Riley is looking to go to school full time soon, I am starting to think I should be doing more - I have always chomped at the bit of being a stay at home Mom with little things like a PT something....but now I would like to help my family get ahead financially instead of living paycheck to paycheck and allow us to pay off the mortgage, get some weight off my husband's shoulders, get us some travel maybe even a ...gasp....maid! WOW I would love to finally be able to get new floors etc. too. Not as profound s changing the world - but a goal none the less. SO what to do?

 

I consistently set my sights low. WHy do you ask? Well, poor self esteem maybe, but also it has been a good long time since I was gainfully employed in Los Angeles. It feels like yesterday but seriously it was almost a decade ago! So I have looked at everything from 911 operator to school nurse. I wanted hours so that I would be home when the kids got home and am wondering if that is possible. Maybe a consultant for something? I have thoughts, right? I can contribute a thing or two....humph....we will see. I am a work in progress...again.

 

That said, growing old is NOT for wimps at all. My body while not falling apart (to the contrary, with the weight loss I feel better now than I have in years - probably that lost decade and more) is not holding up so hot either. The hysterectomy I am facing in a few months is getting to me BIG time. I am a Momma, so not being able to have children is rocking with my psyche. It is not that I want a gazillion kids - but the idea that I will be physically unable is challenging my sense of self. Not necessarily a bad thing, but a challenge none the less at a time when, frankly, I am a bit tired of challenges.

 

SO I am asking myself - "Self, what do you REALLY want?" because if I take myself out of my home I WANT something. Time away from my nest and family means more now than it did before. SO if I am going to fly the coup, so to speak, what shall I contribute to the world? I am almost 40 and continue to be a work in progress...I suppose that beats the alternative but I really thought that by old age I would have it all figured out by now.

Had to share this today - it was a hard day an dthe laugh was VERY appreciated - Author unknown but deserves a beer for sure!

 

The Brain Transplant
> In the hospital, the relatives were gathered in the waiting room while
> a family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking
> tired and somber.
>
> 'I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news,' he said, as he surveyed the
> worried faces.  'The only hope left for your loved one at this time is

> a brain transplant.  It's an experimental procedure, and very risky,
> but it is the only hope.  Insurance will cover the procedure, but you
> will have to pay for the BRAIN.'
>
> The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news.  After a
> time, someone asked, 'How much will a brain cost?'
>
> The doctor responded, '$5,000 for a male brain; $200 for a female
> brain..'
>
> The moment turned awkward.  Some of the men actually had to 'try' to
> not smile, avoiding eye contact with the women.
>
> One man, unable to control his curiosity, finally blurted out the
> question that everyone wanted to ask, 'Why does a male brain cost so
> much more than a female brain?'
>
> The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the
> entire group, 'It's just standard pricing procedure.... We have to
> price the female brains a lot lower because they've been used.

 I swear the older I get the more I fall apart! I had pre cervical cancer when I was younger and wasnt supposed to be able to have kids. AT ALL. I have two beautiful, healthy, smart and vibrant children now and am so lucky. I have lost a lot of weight and am lucky for that as well. Thougt I may have been pregnant again this summer but the fibroid I have will not let that happen and as I am rounding 40 that might be a good thing. Went to the Dr to see about what to do and all that can be done, since the ding dong thing is almost 700 grams of fluid now and may burst due to its placement (and could cause me to hemmorage to death)is to start shots that start early menopause, hope to shrink it down enough that I dont need a transfusion and go for a laproscpic hysterectomy - they can only do it laproscopically IF the fibroid shrinks, if not they will decide around my 40th birthday this fall if they need to go old school. WOW.

 

So I started the shots last week and am an emotional mess. Not sure if it is the shot, hormones, psychosomatic (you know that "Oh my God! My youth is OVER" deal) or what but I am a MESS. I am thinkful though that while I am in the middle of all this I have this outlet and a support group to help me keep from eatting the sofain my despair.....

 

I have not started over eating,in fact instead I got my royal arse up and began MOVING. Taking the dog to the off leash park (my personal heaven in Redmond) and the kids to the Science Center or the zoo. I just am getting out there so I dont sit and dwell. It is not that I WANTED to blow my weight loss and have baby, but I always thought I might have more. It is the possibility that gets to you when it is gone. The fact that you KNEW you were going to get old one day, you just did not think that day was today.

 

Still, trudge on. Life throws a lot at you. Food is not the answer. At least in my "advaced age" ha ha ha I have learned that. Still my PCOS has had the last word finally. This ding dong fibroid can be seen when I lay down, can be felt at all times and is the size of a more than 5 month old pregnancy. It will be helpful to get rid of it.

Anyone else feeling just plain old lately? Any words of wisdom?

Dude - went to the Science center today. Grossology was in the hizzy. It was crazy fun. For the first time since I have lived here they had the high rise bike open. It is a bike way up in the air like two stories up on a rail. You ride it along and there is nothing beneath you but a really old net - DONT LOOK DOWN! It is crazy scary and I rose to the challenge today - scared the hell out of me, but Mommy is a trouper y'all - check it out: http://twitpic.com/dri7m

Lately things have been...well...a tad hard. This year alone my Mom has had several surgeries (knees, ankle, etc. to help her walk - she has been a REAL trouper!), my beloved 17 year old doggies passed away, my husband was diagnosed with and began treatment for MS (daily injections and his winning attitude have proven easier than first feared - it is always the unknown that gets ya) and Riley has had ear infection after ear infection and currently has no hearing in her left ear where it is bleeding and yucky and just plain painful. I am dealing with that and loosing weight and a lot of that is loosing a shield of fat that literally protectedme from many MANY things though in reality it just postponed stuff while I made myself more and more unhealthy. I traded eating bread and sugar for perhaps over sharing on Face Book. It was an amazing thing - being able to just dump somewhere and not eat! Alas, it took a toll. I am thankfully on the other side of a lot of the unknown. Now I hear from a good friend - or perhaps someone I erroneously thought was a good friend - that my drama is too much for that mama....bummer. I cant help that, and I am very sad and concerned for that deal since it is someone who lives near me and shares many of the same friends. I should probably not dump here, but again, venting is easier than thwarting my efforts....I still dont have a lot of coping mechnisms in place yet but I am working on it.

 

See, I found that I used to eat for all sorts of reasons...what you too? Food was my drug...Seriously - happy? Celebrate with cake! Sad? Comiserate with cake! Worried? Placate with cake! Stressed? Calm down with cake. Let 'em eat cake! Well, to be fair, while I NEVER met cake I would turn down on the first request, it was really bread. BREAD - ah bread. Miss my bread. Bread would make it better for the moment - but not really. Unrequited - kinda like my friendship with this gal I guess. I miss bread. Not more than I like my new jeans, or people not recognizing me, but still. It sure was a LOT easier to eat stress away than have people confront you with the fact that your troubles make you an inconvenient friend. WOW. That was tough and brutal since the message was delivered at a time she knew I could do nothing but suck on it - even though I had tried to be forthright and asked her what was up with her and if we had a problem when we were not around others. She chose to do this to me before a party as my guests were arriving instead, who does that? But whatever, it is alot. I am a lot. I guess. Well, I dont really but that is ok it is not my deal it is hers.

 

See, I had, when heavier, helped anyone who asked. I assumed that people only called me when all other options were closed to them because I would NEVER ask for help unless I HAD to. As a result I babysat...a lot. I still do, though if it is a regular deal I usually charge. In an emergency, of course my friends can call on me and they know it and I happily help a friend out when I can. I did so with this friend, especially, and it was fine. Better than fine, her kids became some of our favorite people as did she and her husband. Still are but I guess that time has passed or so it seems.

 

Now in the past this WOULD send me to the trough. Big time. I would eat and beg and eat and beg and try to bend over backwards to make myself her friend - chant with me, "Please please like me" yes that was my deal. Please please find me lovable, because I sure dont. Well, not any more. I am loving myself by not eating my feelings and insecurities away. I am also not putting up with crap for the sake of being a door mat that is just not me anymore. Seriously. I was fine as long as I was there when you needed it, your emergency was my emergency - but when I desperately needed help your kids needed a nap or I put you on the spot? Um...ok. We obviously were not friends. Got it. Bummer and I miss her and certainly hope that her family has success and is well - nothing but love and high hopes, but I am not a doormat that will jut eat it....literally. I am not worthy for you? Okie dokie - see ya. Wish ya well, hope the best for you - but beg I will not. Bye bye now. Sad though, very sad. I really did love her very much. Who knows? Maybe we will find a new way to be friends that is more equitable now - that might actually be a good thing for all involved, though I doubt it. I will remain hopeful though, because life is too short to carry weight around - in any form - from food, stress, saddness or whatever - I release it and hope for the best...I really do.

 

So now, standing tall, I am walking away. I am busying myself getting ready for school and trying to not dump as much on FB. I am trying to find ways past it - this all happened a few days ago - but I gotta get on. My in laws are here, my kids have a gazillion things to do, Riley is still going to Children's tomorrow and I have to see about the next phase of my weight loss - a hysterectomy - also tomorrow. Whew. So yes, I have drama. I have life. Sorry if my makes me inconvenient, messy or less then perfect out here in the suburbs...you know how we do love to make things LOOK perfect on the outside even if they are falling apart on the inside in the subburbs....

 

Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?

 

Here is my boy helping spray paint the stencil for the HUGE ASS maps we are painting at his school. The map of the USA is 60 feet long by 20 feet wide. The ATLS is 38 feet long by 20 feet wide. Currently I think he is spraying the outline for the Galapagos Islands, but who can be sure? Once it is painted it will easier to see but the running joke whenever any one asks what they are paining is, "Well, it could be uzbekestan...one of the stans? Just stay in the lines!" Thank GOD we had the brilliant Raj to help us chalk the outline for the ATLAS as most of us American schooled parents did not know what it was if it wa outside of the Americas or Europe proper - well we knew India and Africa but not all the countries in between....so sad the geography we do not sudy...hre's hoping that the painting on the playground helps that for my son and daughter!

  Riley in Africa....She got DOWN with the spray paint!

 And there is me - ready to leave the house ad go paint! Hi ho hi ho its of to paint I go!

 

My daughter was stung by a bee again today - that makes the 4th time this Summer! WTF? It is SO hard. Poor baby girl. The common thread is we were outside for a while in the heat so she was sweatting - I think they are attracted to her sweat! How do I fight that? Grrrr so now I am all stressed out and my stomach hurts. I KNOW I am hungry and I think I have waited TOO long to eat. I find if I wait too long, besides making bad choices, my tummy hurts and I do the tap dance "should I or shouldn't I" eat. When my band is closed I usually go with that. But you know I have been SO wide open for over a week now. ZERO restriction unless I do something truly dumb like eat bread, but even then not at first. I know because I have tried. Have I mentioned am not real bright? Ha ha ha well only a little. But enough. ANYWAY fill next week with Jessie - until then I will remember to eat every few hours and avoid bees. Why they stalk me sweet baby girl escapes me, but I am calling WAR on them for now.

 

What my son misses most about swim classes this week - THE DIVING BOARD! He is my Extreeme Sports kid - the scarier the better - you should see him fly through the forest on his bike now at staggering speeds. Yesterday he realized he could hop curbs and now want to figure out how to stand on his bike WHILE it is moving. Oy. I better get a frequent flier card to the ER....

 

That is me working at the Texas Panhandle....this project is MASSIVE! The continental US takes u 30 feet and then you add Alaska and we are talking over 60 feet of playground!! I have put the word out toall students, present, future and former to come help us starting tonight - we will be at the school daily for the next week from 6 am - 8 am and then again at night from 4pm-8pm. I am hoping the rain stays away or just omes on the weekend so we can get it done. IT IS HUGE! I expect about 5-10 people at each time and that will make the work more fun and go faster as well as create a sense of community and great pictes for the year book. This will be part of the new outdoor classroom at Patrick's school. I am so proud and happ to be coordinatingand using my artist skills to get this map done. The 5th graders will LOVE learning the states this way and the "peaceful playground" of the Atlas we will do next will help us all learn and grow from our multicultural school - GO TEAM TOLERANCE AND PEACE! :)

 

Wanna participate? Here is the schedule: