An old friend from Madison JHS in North Hollywood, Cal. wrote on his facebook page a sort of "Slam" book - 25 random things. I can never figure those things out, but they are funny, so I repoest them here. Why? Well, it is my dong dong blog and I can write what I want and because since I use the darn thing as a diary of sorts, Ithought it would be a fun add...OK I am a dork I just wanted to do it, ok???? :)

 

Light dusting today - school is either closed or two hours late depending on the child - I had SO much to do to get the house ready for my brother to stay with us for the weekend....inconvenient...not to mention people in the Mid West and East Coasts are laughing their collective assess off that Seattle shuts down when a dusting occurs.

 

That said, looking out the window while getting dressed and seeing the puppy St. Bernard, my Maddie  Blue, playing soccer and eating the snow as it falls while racing the kids and hubby in the back yard is priceless. I wish I had a camera, but alas, RIley has lost it...again.

Hey all - this is an victory of sorts, though I am thankful to be moving past it. I had a horrible experience last year where I was a teacher at a rather posh Catholic church. I had worked there for over 7 years and was in the process of getting my son into their Kindergarten when the Principal tactlessly and painfully made a comment that, in hind sight I am not sure she really meant, but at the time was devastating. In a crowded office full of students, teachers, staff and parents she told me she needed to talk to me about my son's application. Assuming I had missed something that was needed, I asked what was wrong... She said, "Oh no no no, his application is fine, we are worried about you." What did THAT mean? Well, she explained, "We dont think you understand what it means to be a Catholic School Parent". I was shocked, hurt and terribly embarassed. As truse to myself, instead of calling her on this hurtful judgement and how inappropriate it was to do this in a crowded office, I told some self depricating joke and left, convinced I was the worst sort of Heretic ever and ate a buttload (literally) of food, left the parish (I was not Catholic enough for them, right?) and in my shame lived in some fairly serious depression for several months.

 

Today, 75 pounds lighter, having moved on to a new parish and been recognized by my parish and the Arch Diocese as a Social Justice Coordinator, I was invited by several friends to the Children's mass at that same school I used to call home but now avoided with great effort and sadness.  I have avoided that part of the city for a year - would not even shop near the Church for fear of running into someone. All that fear, hurt and pain was a terrible load to carry. I had PLANNED to go to my parish with my kids, when my son in the car asked if we could go to the Children's mass at the old school. I decided God was telling me something, and so I drove to the school, swallowed my pride and walked in head high.

 

I dont know what I was afraid of all this time. Many of my "friends" welcomed me with open hearts and hugs, two actually cried upon seeing me, and the few who refused to make eye contact never really were my friends to begin with and did not bother me. So, for Lent, I put that load down. I will not carry it any more. WHatever was meant, in fairness, I will never know as that Principal is no longer even at the school. All this time, energy, hurt and fear was enough and needed to stop.

 

SO - I walk into Lent a great deal happier and with appreciation for the strength my son and my band have given me to be in control of my emotions, my body and my presentation of self....Might actually be a good Lenten season! My Son even explained to his classroom today that Lent is a time to avoid excess and fast - though he is 5 and I think he thinks that means God is asking him to join the track team - but I realized that these feelings were the worst kind of extravegant excess - they were unhealthy, expensive and hurtful. Let 'em go and dont look back.

Just thought I would share....

Julianne

Sometimes travel, stress, and lots on your plate (not to mention time zone changes) can add up to a whopping problem for us banded people. I am stuck SO badly. I cant eat much, I am drinking hot tea and water constantly and in just a crappy sappy mood. I was supposed to go to a friend's birthday tonight - what housewife does not need a night of gal chat, wine and giggles - but I hurt too badly to go. Urgh. I hate to cancel, but seriously, one more thing will push me over the edge. Sometimes you gotta just cut something out - what I need tonight is a hot shower and bed. Gearing up for family in town, a birthday party (all be it VERY small one) for my son and getting back in the swing with the puppy, house, school and work is enough. I was also nominated to be the new VP of COmmunications for the ALcott PTSA which is quite an honor and just a huge ass job - but am excited about it I must admit.

Yesterday was my son's 6th birthday! My SON is SIX! Duuuuuude.

 

I was so busy playing/celebrating I did not write - we took him to another Capital's practice, then to an amazing park called Clemjontri in VA. It is amazing in that all the stuff there is accessable to children of any size and ability - children in wheelchairs coul use the swings, there was a maze, plenty of running space, slides galore - it was an amusement park for children that did not include candy, tickets or cry rooms. Amazing. Blisteringly cold though with the wind.

 

For dinner my sister and her family met us at Clyde's in Chevy Chase. It was such fun watching her now BIG kids with my little guys.

 

Then home for hugs and bed.

 

That was the run down of the DAY but its significance is so much more. My baby is 6 - he is reading, riding bikes, scooters, full of personality, thoughtful, VERY sensitive, and so smart. He is caring and lovely and just the source of great pride. I cant imagine who we would be without him and am so excited to watch who he will become. He is a gift and a chalenge and an inspiration. Before him, I was very happy - but I did not understand so much before he was here and before he was ours. I am thankful every day that I am a mama, specifically his Mama. I am honored and blessed every day that my life is my life...

 

Happy year # 6 little dude....lets go get dirty!

Remember that TV commercial where the kid meets Mean Joe Green and he throws him a coke? It was one of those Hallmark type touching TV spots on a Superbowl ticket. They copied it this year and have made spoofs throughout the years, but it is timeless - if you are old like me....

 

Today we had a moment that belonged in a TV commercial...seriously. We took the boy to DC for his birthday, as I have mentioned we are still here. As part of his birthday present, his parents bought us tix to  the Capital's Hockey game tonight. Alex Ovechkin is my son's second favorite hockey player, the first being his Dad...aw... and this morning we went to the practice session. Alas, Alex was not on the ice this morning. While we were sitting watching though we saw a man with a RUSSIA jacket on. My fearless son walked over and said, "Excuse me, sir, but are you Alex The Great's Dad?" the man, clearly not understanding much English but made out the words Alex The Great and said yes. "I flew from Seattle to see him! WOW!" and the man, I kid you not, Alex Ovechkin's dad handed Patrick a Coca-Cola. It was PRICELESS.

 

Almost immediately I made the other famouse commercial leap -

 

Tickets to DC $ 2000

Tickets to a DC Capital's hocley game $300

Meeting and receiving a Coke from Alex Ovechkin's Dad PRICELESS

 

We will be at the practice again tomorrow, BTW and Patrick has already exclaimed that we MUST get a new can of Coke for Alex's Dad and he made pictures for both Alex and his Dad. After the Superbowl moment, Patrick walked up to the Capital's coach and shouted, "Hey Coach!" just like he was about to hit practice...that was hilarious.

 

We also met Mike Green's proud Papa at the practice. He recognized us and while we were waiting outside the owners box for clearence (Harry sorta knows Ted Leonsis so we got to go in the owners box to say hello during the 2nd period) he came up and asked us how we were doing and was just SO nice to Patrick. The game was amazing too. We saw Alex score a goal ON HIS BACK and they went into double overtime and a shoot out! Very exciting stuff.

 

So, so far DC is a hit. Every time I am here I think "I could live here"....

Convergence at the local starbucks in DC....

 

I was on my daily 2 mile walk. I walk a mile to Starbucks and have a $3 cuppa joe and then walk a mile back. I am walking with the kids throughout the day as well, but that is more like meandering. ANYWAY today I took my ZUNE. As I sat, drinking my tall skinny Vanilla latte (side note - the guys at my local starbucks at hom have NO IDEA who the hell I am - here in DC I walk in now and they see me and say, "Hey Tall Skinny Vanilla Latte, what's up?" it is like Cheers!) and head upstairs to the fireplace with my cup of sin.

 

Today I was listening to my friend and brilliant musician, Maia Sharp (http://www.maiasharp.com/) and it was just a happy moment. I was in such a good mood, like I had finally sat with my dear old friend after many years absence that I went to the local store and bought flowers to bring home to my Mother-in-Law. I just wanted to spread the happy. Maia's music is like a hug - her voice, her tunes and her soft rhythm...it was delightful.

 

I got home and went to check her site out and laughed my ass off at the front page that says "Stretch, Caffinate and Rock" it was just so perfect in light of the afternoon I shared "with her" after a day visiting monuments and encouraging my children to participate in science experiments at the Smithsonian. BTW they did GREAT! Patrick understood and explain the difference between oxygen and carbon dioxide and then enjoyed a dry ice experiment and Riley went Gaga over the Hope Diamond. When asked, she said, "Daddy, I like all kinds of diamonds, I am a girl!" to which Harry asked her, "if girls like diamonds, what do boys like?" her reply...."Poop"...priceless.

Hello party people - well, I am home with a sickie kid with  a fever and a cold (just what you want before you fly!!) and am cleaning like a mad woman so that we can come home to a clean house for the first time since we have lived here. It cracks me up - I am cleaning more now than ever - friends wonder where I am...if I am not working out, walking the beautiful fun puppy, or playing/teaching the kids I am cleaning. No one has seen me in weeks. I FINALLY went for tea at the Bellevue Club last night with Laura. Had not seen her in like 3 weeks! SHesh!

 

The beautifully fun puppy and RIley seem to have an understanding now - Riley helps sneak her treats and she no longer bullies her over whenever possible. Yesterday on her training wheels the puppy stood two front paws on the training wheels and pushed her while Riley steered. I SO wished I had my camera. The puppy pushes Riley's stroller too! When Harry is home tomorrow he IS walking with us so we can get pictures of THAT!

 

So today, I am solidly down in the 190's. I realize that is still a LOT of woman but it is down more than 70 pounds from where I started at 275! So at the store they had a sale and I ...gulp...shared a TWIX with the girl. She was like, "Holy cow!" and as I ate mine all I could think of was the "eat this not that" book that said that a TWIX has as much fat as 15 pieces on bacon. I have wanted one ever since I read that a few weeks ago. WHat the hell??? So after a few bites, disgusted with myself I threw the rest away. Urgh.

Ok - for easily 20 years I have NEVER had a problem that seems to plague other gals. NEVER have I had to worry about my bra straps falling down...what the? I was out walking today - it is Tuesday and on the days RIley goes to school I walk 5 miles. Today was lovely - VERY cold, but fun. The snow started falling just when I was calling it quits (nothing dampens a long walk outside them being cold, wet and needing to go to the bathroom - so I was VERY thankful not to get snowed upon till the END of my walk). Anyway, as I started down hil I was really pumping my arms, very into it, even started running some parts of my walk a few weeks ago - that was a HUGE ass deal - we big girls rarely run - there is WAY too much junk in the truck (if you catch my drift) that might offend passerby's....but lately I cant help myself. The lighter I am the more bouncy I walk - till I was running.

 

ANYWAY, as I descended a little hill, going fast, listening to Bon Jovi (dont judge) my bra strap started falling. Never ever has that happened in my adult life. Sure in training bras but I was literally a DD by 3rd grade so it has been a VERY long while. It is distracting, kinda a pain in the ass because you cant help but think about it and all bundled up there is little you can do. Seriously the conversation in my head went like this," What was that? OMG I think my bra moved - seriously? Yes there it goes again - what do I do? Quick see if you can pick it up without anyone noticing....who cares you are not in 3rd period algebra anymore - fix it before you fall dumb ass....uh oh it went again! Well, let it go what is the worst that can happen, ignore it....hum dum....shot through the heart and you're to blame...hummm.....oh crap is it now at my elbow? How did that happen? I cant even scratch my elbow under all this...what was that? A rock - watch where you are goinnnnnnnng" and boom I hit the grass. Distraction, snowy icy ground and a roving bra strap - that'll get you every time.

 

Time to go shopping....again....it seems. All those skinny bitches with their straps falling down in the summer time whom I looked at like they were tramps, I am sorry my dears, it seems it really isn't your fault....oy.

I am still not getting it. I CANNOT eat Chicken. I just cant. It hurts, I get sick, I try again, I get sick...why do I try? I dont even LIKE Chicken - what is WRONG with me?

 

Today I was SO hungry I picked up some chinese - all it was was chicken and veggies - I got $1.50 worth. I felt so frugal for my lunch. Two bites in and I KNEW it was a mistake. I drove home with a bottle yakking the entire way. I hurt SO bad now. WHy oh why am I so think headed? I can eat almost anything else, but chicken and I are no longer pals - not that we were ever tight. I am resigning myself that I am pretty much just a fish eating vegetarian. I miss meat, dont get me wrong - but I cant keep it down. SOmetimes ground meat works, but it is not a very healthy option.

 

SO I am done with chicken. See ya

Wow - I had no idea about this before. How lucky I was as an owner of a SMALL doggie that I never needed boarding care! I have been busily calling place after plac about boarding care. Our friends, Linda and Lewis, who kindly offered to watch Maddie, now cant so I am scrambling. My original plan was to take her back to her pack, but now they cant take her either. SO I am looking. It is funny, before I had friends with BIG dogs (course not as big as mine - oh man! I just played "mine is bigger than yours" with a puppy!) and they would all complain about boarding. COsts, finding a good one, etc. Many, it turns out, specialize in breeds. Labs go here, rottweilers go there, etc. Where does a St. go? No idea.

 

On average, you could spend up to $100+ a day! What?!?!? I know right?!?!? Obviously that is WAY out of our budget. Plus I am so scared that she will feel abandoned. She is so new, and just had so many changes, I just worry for her. Urgh! Why oh why didn't I wait to get a doggie till after the vacation?!?!? Well, best laid plans - I really thought I had it covered with two possibilities. Just goes to show you, huh? It is funny too, because for a second there we were not sure we could keep her. Well I certainly was anyway. Now, since I thought that, I find myself fighting for her best options, which says to me that I LOVE her - which I KNEW - but also that there is no way she is to be with anyone but us.

 

As luck would have it there are a few teenagers who live across the street - I have put out feelers to their Mom before asking them if they could watch her over mid winter break here at my house. Gulp. Teenagers in my house for a week with a 50+ pound puppy - right before my family visit the following weekend for Patrick's birthday - could spell disaster! But, hey, at least Maddy would know we were coming back. I think it would be a butt load cheaper too. Plus, the teen's would LOVE her. That is my most preffered option I think.

 

On a sperate note, when I got home from walking Patrick to school (he had a 2 hour lte start due to a light dusting - RIDICULOUS! Kids in the Mid West are LAUGHING at us RIGHT NOW! Anyway, I got home and the exterminators were here. The guy who checks our traps is just a sweet boy. He took a liking to Maddie right away and I mentioned to him my dilemma. His Mom and Dad live in Monroe (not too far away) on 5 acres and do pet sitting for what he believed was $25-30 a day. They would allow Maddie to sleep in a crate inside at night and let her roam with the other dogs during the day. She would be safe and cared for, but all the training we have done would likely have to be started from scratch again. That is option # 2.

 

Option # 3 is too scary to think about. It is foggy. I am still looking for option # 3. We cant not go because the tickets are non-refundable. OUr in laws have already spent a small fortune on car seats and tickets for the kids. No that wont work - I will have to find a pet sitter.

 

SO there you have it. Best laid plans. Poor Harry, he is so stressed out as it is! I will, I WILL have this figured out by the time he gets home, for less than $200. I must!

 

Post Script - After writing this I contacted PetSmart - BTW PetSmart has some of the best rates going on most stuff - I am amazed by that. PetCo really does not, they really are two very different places. ANYWAY PetSMart in Tukwilla (right next to the airport) can take her for $27 a day, plus $7 a day for extra play time. They will charge is $2 a day for her medicine (she has an ear infection) and she will stay in a standard suite with other dogs - but it will be indoors and play time a lot of the time. I think I just found option # 3. SO, when Harry gets home I will present him with a few ideas...whew. Great googly moogly - I am thankful my D'Artster sent me my angel St. Bernard, but he is making me work a little too hard to show my appreciation for the gift!

I wish anything in life made me as happy as a chew treat makes my Maddie Blue. Seriously. I used to feel about bread the way she seems to feel about chewies, but alas it was terrilby unrequited. I LOVED bread, any kind of bread, rice too - invite rice to the party! Pasta? Are you kidding? No party is a party without pasta! Oh yes, and potatoes - the long lost cousin of my heritage in Ireland, what meal would be complete without your starchie goodness?!?!? And now? Well they are OFF the invite list. No more - nada, gone. SO I am substituting. I miss them, but not as much as I love my new me.

 

I weighed in this morning and am waiting a day or two to make sure it is real. The scale said 197 with clothes and robe on - but that cant be right. I am so excited though! I am living vicariously through Maddie's happiness with her new chewie - she is teething now with an ear infection (like any baby - of course!) so I am on puppy watch while I clean the house.

 

Just checking in, believe me, when the weight is constant for a week (or drops - WOW it could really do that!!!) I will check in. SO - to date - I have gone from 275 a year ago, 267 last April, 255 last may, 243.3 on my surgery date last June and today? Well, I am at 197. HOLY SHIT! In 20 pounds I will have lost 100 in a year! WHoo hooo!

I just posted this on my weight loss support group and wanted to save it to examine with Harry tonight - It is pretty raw and sorta long but it is from the heart -

 

Entitlement is a funny thing. It rears it's ugly head at odd times and if you have eyes in your head, you stop to examine it when it is something that pertains to YOU and how YOU feel - because let me tell you, entitlement, like selfishness, or glutoness, or the like is just not attractive.

 

I am having an ah-ha moment. It is followed closely on the heels of a "Dear Lord, what have I done?" moment. I am in a bit of a spot, and it is ALL my doing. Completely. I neither condone nor condemn but I am seeing it plainly and clearly.

My dog died. I was in deep saddness. I met two lovely, adult, WELL trained St. Bernards and fell in love. Instead of asking if we could spend more time with them, I became obsessed that THIS was THE dog for me. No one could talk me out of it, no one tried particularly hard, but probably because they KNEW me well enough that I was on a roll.

 

I have been so disciplined in my eating, my walking, my getting my house in order that I just felt that this was my next step. I met and fell in love with the puppy, bought her, brought her home, and am actively training her. I am invested, but I NEVER looked at my husband or children and owe them a tremendous appology. I see that I have taken my obsession with food and tranferred it to this lovely but possibly way to big for me and my family, beast. She adores me, I her, but my children are feeling scared and helpless around her. That is not ok.

 

OK, so like myself, I am taking steps. I have a trainer coming to the house today. I will be seeing how the kids interact again with her very well trained older ST. Bernard who will be helping us train my pup (who is now 50 pounds of "I WILL do as I like, unless you show me a treat"). But I am coming to terms with the possibility that I may have to STOP investing in this dog. Her cost, the vet bill, food, bowls, new stuff (obviously the stuff from my Pom would NOT work) are all eating away at a budget that I simply did not have.

 

I am coming to terms with the fact that I am a selfish, self centered gal - while happy, and friendly and other good stuff - I must look at that. I did not really consult my husband or children, I THOUGHT I did, but I only saw what I WANTED to see. I WANTED The dog. I STILL do, but I am scared, pretty shitless, of the possibility of failing. I will either succeed or fail and never before have I failed (except with food) and the thought terrifies me.

 

I know it is not really on pointe for this group - but I see a corrolation between my obsessive/compulsive behavior with food and the dog and am unhappy that I am still falling short of seeing the BIG picture. Poor Harry and I had a HUGE fight on Sunday night and I see now, while I disagree still with how he expressed himself, that he SAW this coming and felt helpless to talk about it because I still could not see the forest for the trees. I feel horribly that I am so scared, and while hopeful that the trainer and training will help - I do not believe in adopting a pet to give up - I am just scared that there are more than the "me" factor here. If I cant get my kids to stop being scared of this over sized puppy, the game will be called.

 

All that said, this is where I would go get the haagen daz, the burgers, the bread, the whatever and stuff it down. I refuse to do that. I may be exercising a tad less because all my spare time is going into puppy training, but I will not allow myself that indulgence or entitlement again. I ate because I indulged the sad, the scared, the hurt, I felt entitled to that escape because it worked (short term) and punished me at the same time for my weakness - TOTAL mistake on SO many levels. At least I see THAT....

So wish me well, dear friends - I fear I have biten off WAY more than I can chew at this time....

 

My beloved 17 year old D'Artagnon died last month. In the epic crest of my depression I met two elderly St. Bernards and fell in love. The very next weekend (rebound? What rebound) I went and got a 15 week old St. Bernard. It was, in essence, a 45 pound puppy. It is growing by 5-10 pounds daily it seems. It is currently, one week after owning it, 50 pounds. It is still not even 5 months old. Needless to say I have a trainer COMING TO THE FUCKING HOUSE TODAY to help me in my deepest, "Oh Christ, what the fuck have I done?" moment. My life is about training at this time - training the husband to see the dirty dishes and help out instead of texting like a teenager, training the kids to clean up after themselves, brush their ding dong hair and teeth and pick up their ding dong toys, and now the dog, who incedentally is bigger than my kids, sit, come and follow basic commands. I am a crew leader. I did not assume that this would be my life, but I promise you I see how I asked for it, plain as day. Oh yes, I LOVE a challenge! Some have called me brave, some have called me certifiable, BOTH are absolutely right and mostly I fall in between. To say that I am an extreemist is, well, laughably true.

 

So reading the statements below, I have one to add: To change a lightbulb a St. Bernard would say, "Only if the APlha asked, and when SHE does, I bring her brandy to go with it while I do the work" ;) At least I am TOLD that is what my Maddie Blue will be like. At the moment she would say, "Only of you show me the treats first, babe."

 

Ha ha ha....sob sob sob....Hee hee hee...uh oh, I am not only overwhelmed I am giddy....

 

Jules

---

 How many dogs does It take to change a light bulb?  What they say about it. 
    1. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young,
 we've got our whole lives ahead of us,
 and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb? 
   
   
    2. Border Collie: Just one.
 And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code. 
   
   
    3. Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp! 
   
  
    4. Rottweiler: Make me. 
   
   
    5. Boxer: Who cares?
 I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark. 
   
   
    6. Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb!
 Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please! 
   
   
    7. German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark,
 check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol
 to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation. 
   
   
    8. Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in
while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture. (how true)! 
   
   
    9. Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb?
 I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb! 
   
   
    10. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it?
 I can still pee on the carpet in the dark. 
   
   
    11. Chihuahua : Yo quiero Taco Bulb.
 Or "We don't need no stinking light bulb." 
   
       12. Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares? 
   
   
    13. Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle... 
   
   
    14. Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it.
 By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry. 

 

 

 

    

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Today I am having the "Oh Dear God, What Have I Done?" moment. My "puppy" who is already 45 pounds at less than 5 months old, already seems to know if she does not want to do something she does not have to do something. I keep treats in my pocket, am reading training manuals voraciously and am signing her up for training NOW. My friend, who trains and keeps St. Bernards is coming over tomorrow so we can set up weekly training sessions with her as well and when we go out of town instead of going back to her "pack" up in Bellingham, she will go with my friend the trainer where I KNOW whatever we have worked on will be consistent. I did not anticipate what a challenge this was - but I am up for it!

Sur[risingly, she does not like to walk much. We take little 'hood joints 3 times a day, pretty slow - about a total of 4 miles. I am still doing my workouts while Riley is in school while she takes her morning nap - such a baby! BUT I am thankful that she has gotten my kids and my husband to CLEAN UP! It is amazing! For the first time in 3 years yesterday I was able to vacumme the ENTIRE house - I usually can only do one floor at a time.

So, while she is hard, I think she is the perfect bandster pal. I walk more, I am assisted with motivation to keep the house cleaner, my family has buy in on house cleaning now (which is just a GOD send) and she is such fun! I am smiling and thinking about her more than food! Ha ha ha! I actually realized this morning, when she is full grown she will be a living walking example of the "me" I lost with the band, she will likely be between 135-150 pounds and I am hopeful to loose a total of 135-140 pounds when I am done, so how about that! What a great trade - healthy, fun, able to participate me and a furry reminder who loves me instead of hurts me of who I was - thank you Maddie Blue!