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January 31 For Shits And GigglesSaw this on Facebook and thought I would give it a try -
1.YOUR REAL NAME
Julianne Morouse - Pierson 2.WITNESS PROTECTION NAME:(mother and fathers middle names) Anne Ronald 3.NASCAR NAME:(first name of your mother's dad, father's dad) Walter ? 4.STAR WARS NAME:(the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name) was Morju now is Pieju 5.DETECTIVE NAME:(favorite color, favorite animal) Purple Dolphin 6.SOAP OPERA NAME:(middle name, town where you were born) Aileen Detroit (I am sure it would be pronounce De-twah) 7.SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd fav color, fav drink, add "THE" to the beginning) The Pink Whisky 8.FLY NAME:(first 2 letters of 1st name, last 2 letters of your last name) Jupi 9.STREET NAME:(fav ice cream flavor, fav cookie) Mint Chocolate Chip Molasses 10.ROCK STAR NAME:(current pets name, current street name) Meela 229th 11. PORN NAME: (1st pet, street you grew up on) Pumpkin Bluebell 12.YOUR GANGSTA NAME:(first 3 letters of real name plus izzle) Julizzle 13.YOUR IRAQI.. NAME:(2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, first two letters of your middle name, last two letters of your first name then last three letters of your last name) Ihreizsen 14.YOUR GOTH NAME:(black, and the name of one of your pets) Black Bunny 15. STRIPPER NAME: (name of your fav perfume/cologne, fav candy) Red Hershey January 30 Livin' The DreamYesterday I was at Costco. Harry needed some new jeans so I was i the clothes section which I try to avoid because rarely can I resist the cute kids clothes at the prices they have. I dont NEED anything, but they are all such fun and justifiable at $5-10 each. ANYWAY I ventured into the woman's section. For the last 10 years or so, I have not been able to buy clothes at Costco. They only go to a size 16 and when I started in June I was a 24/26 (or roughly a 3XL) SO I usually avoid the cute ladies stuff as it is mean to put myself through the mental anguish of dialogue my evil alter ego bestows upon me.
Well, yesterday there were these darling (LITTLE) designer jeans. You know with the cool buttons, side hip pockets, LOW ride (seriously, I had had children, my hips are HIGHER than this!) but I saw my size, a 16. So I decided to dig deep, dream a little, and see how long it would be before I was in the 14's. I bought the 14's. I know for many that is a huge ass lady, but for me, it is 10 sizes smaller than I was 6 months ago! TEN SIZES party people.
This morning I weighed in at closer to the 200 mark I will be celebrating when I go under....so I decided why not try the little puppies on and see how far off I am.
AS I TYPE I AM WEARING THEM! Yes!!!!! YESS!!! Y-E-S!!!!! They are a tad tight, but I can sit, bend over and touch my toes and such, so these are being worn TODAY. I am so excited. SO excited. Have not seen this size since after my 20/20 days when I was the smallest I have been since College and it only lasted a few months before I got pregnant and gained it all back and then some. I am here to stay now, damn it. We are looking at puppies not babies - NO MORE BABIES. Well, I could adopt, but now I sound manic and off topic - the deal is shallow but still BIG ASS HONKIN' AMAZING to me!
Just had to share.....
On a seperate note, Patrick and Riley are playing, "Dance Off" this morning, I heard Riley say, "Will you show me your moves, dude?" and Patrick respond, "I will give you all I got, baby!" and off he went...dear Lord in heaven it was HILARIOUS. WHere do they get this stuff? January 28 St. Bernard Saint dog pet puppyWe are going to see some St. Bernard puppies this weekend - this one makes me happy and excited just thinking about it!!! Quote Talking about YouTube - St. Bernard Saint dog pet puppy Reciprocity"Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit." Author unknown January 27 Rib Cage & SabatageFirst of all - I remain slowly loosing, but loosing just the same. As I do so, LOTS of things are changing - my attitude as I mentioned last week is becoming less of a door mat and more of my old tigress self. I was thinking about that as I was walking today. Yes outside. It snowed where I live last night and has been VERY cold (well for us anyway, if you are in Milwaukee or Iowa or whatever try not to spit out your tea when I say) it was 32 when I left my car. I drop off my daughter and I walk for about 4-5 miles every Tuesday/Thursday & Friday along with adding swimming now some other days. Today I tried to talk myself out of it because of the cold but I just told myself to shut the heck up. I wore an old pair of jeans (as in a month ago they were tight, now I can fit work out pants under them - LOVE that) with the work out pants, two shirts and a sweat shirt and a jacket - I was prepared so there was no excuse I just tuned my sabatage out.
As I walked, I noticed the way my clothes wrapped around me and even got a second of pleasure as I ran down some of it as my shirts passed my rib cage - MY rib cage - do I really see a rib cage? Sure enough, when I got home, as I stripped some of the extra layers off, I noticed that I have a waist! A REAL WAIST! When I lay down I can make out hip bones - HIP BONES! Where have these things been hiding?
Then it hit me, as I get more self assured, that sabatage voice, that was me hating myself. I ate because I did not like myself. I punished myself with food, I built a wall to protect myself with food and as I slim down, as I take the brick and mortar down, I am remembering there was no real reason for that self hatred. Where it started, why it got there, I cant remember anymore. I just know that I dont deserve it, I dont like it and that voice can go suck an egg. Hear that voice? Suck it. :)
So that is my self affirmation today. I am worthy, I am working it and gosh darn it I am getting it done. I still have at least 50-60 pounds to go, but I will not stop till I get to goal and I will be my friend every step of the way. It is funny that it started with layers of clothes coming on and off - symobologists would LOVE that - I know because my degree is in SOciology and we see meaning in everything - ha ha ha. Anyway thanks for letting me share my little epiphany. January 26 Chill Out
I saw this right after he won and again today. It still makes me smile, laugh and sigh in relief - Peace Riley In On The ActHarry also twittered about Rileyanne in 65 pounds of fireman gear! What a studdlette! Look here to see her all decked out - she says "If my big brother is a fireman, so am I!" Oh yeah, no competition there, uh uh.
January 25 Paddy The FiremanMy son, Irish-American, Patrick (Paddy Boy) Pierson comes from a tradition of cops. Both my little brothers are policemen. I worked the gang units in LA, Orange County and Ventura counties (private sector - hoorah) but all of us had a thing for the hero's that are firemen. Patrick and I have had LONG talks about what a hero is and who qualifies and firemen are at the top of his list. We walk by a fire station on his way to and from school every day and he LIVES for the day that they are doing drills and ALWAYS asks if he can join. He is sorta a little mascot. Ever since the firemen came to the rescue of his little sister when she was choking, he has been hooked. SO, while at a friends birthday my husband got this picture of him while I stayed home with a migraine doing my Mom's laundry before her move - check it out...SO cute:
A Light Dusting....Today we woke up with a lovely light dusting of snow on the ground. It is beautiful, in a very different way from the HUGE ammounts of snow we had last month around this time. It is supposed to snow/rain a little today and maybe snow some tonight. Patrick is on his first ever "Snow Watch" to see if school is cancelled tomorrow. he said, "Part of me wants to stay home and play but most of me wants to go to school and see my friends Mommy - what should I hope for?" Aw....school, baby boy, you hope for school.
On our way downstairs we looked out the window at the glowing, sparkling, magical dusting of white powder all over the lawn. "Mommy, it is the first snow without D'Art" says Patrick as he descends the stairs. True, no one to worry about when he goes out to pee - he was so old and the snow was so cold his arthritis kicked up a notch. I was never too upset when he had an accident in the house in the end because, well, it just seemed so harsh to go outside to pee and bring pain back with you. Luckily he was a little doggie and the messes were a minimum.
After we talked about that a secind, my sensitive sweet boy teared up a little, "It will be the first holiday soon too - Valentines day. And Mommy, I never had a birthday without D'Art before - he was here when I got here! And Christmas next year, it will be sad, huh Mommy?"
What do you say to that? I wanted to break into tears...again...but oddly none were really there to be found. I talk to his urn a lot, it is a very comforting slate gray - why I find it a comforting color I do not know, but it is. The sides are smooth and cool and cradeling it in my hand makes me feel better in ways I was not prepared for. Anyway, my tears and my propensity to bust into them, seems diminished by the memories that are starting to stick. I am loosing the memories of his death, unless I conjure them specifically when someone asks about his death. For the most part I see him bouncing like a puppy when he would get lost in grass and flower beds. He came VERY close to being named "Flower" ike from Bambi because that happened to him every day and he would come back and rub the smell off on the carpet becaue he was distractingly smelly of roses and lavender and other such inappropriate dog smells. Or when I took him to see "Jurasic Park" because it was like 115 in the apartment and we had no air - he was a puppy so I grabbed him and went to the grocery store for snacks and spent some of my weekly food money of going to the movies. When the dinosaurs roared he looked at the screen, barked and then at me and I swear he communicated, "Um, Mommy, this shit 'aint right!" He made me smile like that.
SO, what I said was, we were lucky to have him as long as we did - we were lucky to love him and be loved and be able to watch his life. We will always miss him, but he is never farther than our memories and he loved us enough to stay there forever. WHile his body wont be here for all those holidays, his memories always will, and so as long as we think about, remember, talk about and laugh about his little bouncy self he is never really that far away. Dude - I suppose I could write for Hallmark, huh? January 21 At LastSomething about the still pictures really sends it home - LOVE this....Something happy, hopeful and energizing to focus on...At Last. Quote Talking about YouTube - Barack Obama and Michelle Obama's first Dance at inauguration 2009 ChoicesSo, obviously my depression is a tad bi=polar. It comes, it goes, one minute I am in despair, crying over my little guy, the next I am laughing at my kids and or a memory of his puppy self. I guess that lasts a while. Yesterday I THOUGHT I was being SO brave, collected, healthy in driving all over to see shelters. I thought I would rescue someone and they would rescue us right back. FIne in theory but a little backwards - what I was REALLY doing was running. I was running scared - scared of staying in the house and cleaning, scared of a friend calling to check up on me and sending me to tears again, scared of eating because I was feeling weak - just scared. Though, in hind sight it was a fun day for RIley and I. We stopped every 30 miles or so and played with puppies and kittens, talked to vets, talked about vets and their jobs, talked about D'Art and our hopes, fears and sadness. I learned a lot too - I learned RIley is not a fan of big dogs and she is very sensitive to yippy loud dogs. I learned she would rather have a cat to play with Meela, but I also learned I am not liking that idea at all - Meela is lovely and wonderful and great but I am not a great cat person. I love HER but would rather not be surrounded by cats.
A friend said tosay that it is a little crazy of me to look for rescueing a friend so soon - not because it is not noble, but because I am not ready. Saddling my family with a lifetime friend when I am not sure what we really WANT is manic. Last time, while D'Art was awesome, I didnot really pick him. He was a gift when I had not asked for a dog, and then he totally imprinted on me. I loved him endlessly and he me, so it was lucky. But now, I actually can stop and plan for, choose what would be best for us all - ask the hard questions - and taylor our decision. I dont have to just grab whatever comes down the pike. It is a little daunting really.
SO I have made a decision and I hope I can live by it. I will not look again for a dog until AFTER Valentines day if we go to DC that week. If we dont get tickets, hopefully by Valentines day that is enough time to figure out what we want, or not. What is wrong with waiting? Nothing. I need to know do we want a little house dog or a great big dog - do we want a friend to go hiking/camping/soccer fields and play in the water or do I want a big haiiry love bug? Obviously, a little or big yippy dog is out, but I am not sure a medium sized dog is out of the question. If RIley sees it grow up, she mightnot be so intimidated.
Anyway - it has been a rollercoaster...again....but informative, growth-full (that is a new word now...drink it in) and lovely too. It is grief. January 20 Here Comes The Sun...oops no waitIt was sunny again this morning. I dont know what possessed me , but I packed the car, and set out to the shelters I knew of. RIley and I road tripped it all the way to Skagit County! We hit every shelter and adoption center we could find....we found several older kittens, but no young dogs. Well one, but we would have needed a HUGE fence to take it home and even then we would have been at the back end of a long list. It was very discouraging. In Los Angeles, the shelters were DYING to unload dogs and you could always find a little guy that wanted to come home with you. Maybe it was a sign that I was ready to address the void D'Art left and see about finding a new friend to share our lives. Never to replace D'Artagnon - there is just no way to do so - but to help us play, laugh, love and spoil again would be nice. I know there is a fur person out there wishing for a home like ours.
That said, while I had hoped I would pick Patrick up from school with a new little guy for us all to get to know, that did not happen. RIley explained to Patrick what we had done with our "Big Day Out" and said, "Patrick, we went all the way to Canada! But sorry, bubba, we did not see any puppies. Some old guys, some were really cute, but no puppies. It was gonna be a surprise, ,but I am sorry we were not lucky". My heart swelled about a million times over hearing her gently explain to him all we had seen and done and how she missed him every where we went. They are so attached.
"Mommy", interjects my thoughtful boy, "I am not sure we are ready for a new puppy yet. It would feel a little like we were replacing D'Art." I cant believe he picked up on that, but he did. I sheepishly said that I was looking to find someone we could help, who could help us and help Mommy stop crying.
"Well, Mommy, if you need to hug something you still have Meela....I could even stay home some days if you are lonely - I dont mind. We could make cookies!" Ha ha ha - suddenly he was VERY into skipping school to "help Mom out"....
Very sweet, my thoughtful darling boy - you and your sister are my treasures. Thank you for being mine. January 19 Barack Obama speech at Lincoln Memorial 1/18/09Happy MLK jr Day! How did you respond to his speech last night? I did not get to hear it till today and I regret that I did not get my kids to DC to experience it there - but it is a hopeful time. How could we not be hopeful? We must be hopeful. Not blind to the difficulties, but hopeful for the outcome. Let's get it together and get going! Yes We Can! Quote Talking about YouTube - Barack Obama speech at Lincoln Memorial 1/18/09 January 18 Doin' DishesOn a good side note, I am down a few pounds. According to my scale I am finally under 205 - hovering around 203. When I break that 200 mark I will be dancing and I know my little guy would be happy to see me healthy. The hardest part of doing the dishes today was putting away his bowls and his license. For a second I thought about having pancakes or a pop tart (I dont have these things, so I would have to go get stuff or do home made pancacke with flour) but almost as soon as the thought came into my head I yelled at it saying, "You know, that is not what my little guy's memory is about and it is not the way to honor him. I can choose to let the sympathy party control me or I can drive the bus - I want to remember him lovingly and not hurt myself over it any more" so that is what I did. I put the dishes away, I cried a little, and I had a nice big zero calorie glass of Vitamin water. It is strange to say that I was a little proud of myself for not giving in or giving up - the old me would have absolutely.
Julianne 267/255/243.3/203/155 Start/Consult/Surgery/TODAY!!!/Goal January 17 Rainbow BridgeJust this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food and water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable. All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing: they miss someone very special to them; who had to be left behind. They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. The bright eyes are intent; the eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to break away from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster. YOU have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart. Author Unknown January 16 Dogs In Heaven
I received an email from a friend who wrote to tell me that Dogs DO go to heaven and it was so lovely I thought I would post it here….I have thought of my little friend all day. The things he loved (playing tag, kisses, hugs, laying in my lap, sneaking food – or anything we said he could not have – stealing soccer balls from kids, surfing on soccer balls, barking at and biting waves as they rolled a shore, chasing birds if we fed them, eating bagels and sipping coffee at Noah’s Bagels, traveling so long as he got to stay on my lap, sleeping in our bed and most of all keeping the pack together – he was a herder) and just sending him love. An old man and his dog were walking down this dirt road with fences on both sides, they came to a gate in the fence and looked in, it was nice grassy, woody areas, just what a 'huntin' dog and man would like, but, it had a sign saying 'no trespassing' so they walked on. They came to a beautiful gate with a person in white robes standing there. "Welcome to Heaven" he said. The old man was happy and started in with his dog following him. The gatekeeper stopped him. "Dogs aren't allowed, I'm sorry but he can't come with you."
I have some more and as I find them I will log them but he was my best friend in so many ways and he never left my side – for which I will be eternally grateful. Rest in peace, little buddy. See you in my dreams. January 15 Because I Need Some HappyWith all the sadness around the house – I started looking at photos today. I found these from a tea party we had while snowed in over the Christmas break. The girls in the ‘hood got together and had cookies, tea, mini cheese sandwiches and a bouncing good time. When you see these you will understand why the joy in them perked me up and HAD to be shared. Thank you, sweet Riley and all your pals for making the sun shine a little brighter when you are around.
As you can see, they did not have ANY fun together WHAT SO EVER….. Happy day when you can live, laugh, love and play so hard….
Smart Bandster PostI posted this today on my on line support group and thought it was fitting to share here....if you are keeping track, I am now down 61 firm pounds in 6 months (I started counting from when I started logging - at 267 back in April of '08 - actually in February of '08 I was a frightening 275 but I immediately scared myself into motion - so in actuality I am down 69 pounds in a year of work...not too shabby....)
My little dog, D'Artagnon ("D'Art for short) has kidney failure. He is in no pain, I have been assured that, and as long as that stays stable we are letting him sleep and die in peace at home with love. Last night I made him a special dinner - red wine feta cheese lamb burgers with grilled apricots. Everyone enjoyed it and celebrated talking about their favorite stories from my little almost 17 year old black furry friend. We did the dinner last night while he was still doing well after a hydration treatment and steroid cocktail. He is still going stronger today so I am hopeful we have at least the weekend. My husband is coming home early to take him and the family to the Dog Park and play. Last night we made a stepping stone with his paw print and let the kids decorate it. They dont really understand, but it means a lot to me to celebrate my little guy while I still can. His kidney's are operating at under 10% so it wont be long. That said, I have been listening to some angry rock and pounding the pavement. I walk/run 5 miles around a little lake near my house. Hilly but paved it is a great track away from the street. I have LOVED the new endorphines running through me, find I am hungry WAY less with the new energy coursing through me and wont let myself talk myself out of going - even this morning when it was 34 and REALLY foggy. I was so glad I pushed, because the fog lifted the harder I ran. It was cathardic in so many ways. The harder the beat, the harder I walked or ran, taking turns at each side of the water. Felt good, cleared my head and let me get some aggression out. Anyway, I weighed in today at a 206 on my forgiving scale. Down from 210 which has been steady since Thanksgiving. It means a lot to me that the needle is moving again too. Thanks for letting me check in! Julianne 267/255/243.3/206/155 Start/Consult/Surgery/NOW/Goal January 14 D'Art's DinnerEveryone works through things differently. I suppose as a person with a Lap Band it is no surprise that one of the ways I show love is with food. I am learning healthier ways to do that with my family, but alas, it is still my way. D'Artagnon, my little black dog, is still strong enough to eat thanks to an injection of steroids and intraveinous fluids. SO I made him a special D'Art Dinner tonight. I made the recipe up remembering dishes I had made in the past and wanted to write down the recipe here so that I could remember it.
D'Art's Lamb and Feta Burgers
1 lb. ground lamb
1 tsp. garlic salt
1 tsp. rosemary leaves
pepper to taste
6 TBSP crumbled feta cheese
2 TBSP Red Wine
Feta cheese for sprinkling after cooking
Heat oven to broil. Mix ingredients - save Feta for sprinkling afterwards - but use a full 6 TBSP in the burger mix. I form to 6 small patties but it makes 4 generous ones. I serve over a bed of SPring Mix Greens with Tzaziki Sauce.
Grilled Apricots (D'Art's treat)
Cut apricots in half, (You will want two halves per person)
Olive Oil Spray
Cover a tin foil lined cookie sheet with oil spray. Place cut apricots sliced side down. Broil 5 minutes or till golden. Serve on side of Lamb Burgers
May his big love fest dinner begin.... Dearest D’ArtagnonMy heart is so heavy. Until you face an aged pet and the necessity to put them down, you really dont get it. I have helped, counseled, held and cried with my friends as they have done this, thinking I knew what I was saying and how they were feeling, but I was so wrong. My dog, D’Artagnon (D’Art) is sick. He is old. He is dying. I am faced with a decision that is very hard, let him die naturally, which will likely be soon though no idea about pain level as he has kidney failure and apparently that blessedly brings little pain except his dehydration and fatigue, or consciously put him down. I wait for the Vet to call to explain the rationale for either decision once he is out of surgery. I am so sad. At strange moments I just start to cry. A little spark of memory – BOOM – waterworks. My kids dont get it, and in their misunderstanding are acting out in weird and destructive ways. Patrick was almost hit by a car yesterday because he was not listening, RIley has cut her hair – I dont think they are consciously asking for attention, but the result is the same. So we are all very sad right now. I cant talk about my life with this dog yet. It has been more than 16 years together and he is every part of him a part of me now. If you dont have pets you wont get that, if you do I dont have to explain it. He saw me through college, my insane 20’s, boyfriends (good and bad), bars (good and bad), moves, a wedding and husband, children, a life change move to Seattle, and all the in betweens. He has been lovely and sweet and helpful and dear. He is so loved and treasured I just cant stop crying. |
[2].jpg "Christmas Morning (14)")
[2].jpg "D'art Helps Patrick Eat (7)")
[2].jpg "Patrick - Harry Camera (115)")
[2].jpg "Xmas 2002 (29)")
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