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January 31 NostalgiaNostalgia is a truly strange beast and it comes at the whackiest times. Today I talked to a lovely old friend from High School...Good Lord, was that really 20 years ago??? Yep it really was. WOW. Anyway, hearing her voice, listening to her tell me of her new baby (who is DARLING by the way! I so wish I could just drive over to her, but that would require a plane, a train and an automobile at least!) and hearing of friends come and gone...mae me so home sick. Well, not home sick, this, Washington state is my home now, but I guess you could say "past sick".
I miss Mullholland Drive, I miss the beach. I miss the parks, I miss the streets (you know, streets with actual names on them, not numbers...how novel. I live on two-hundred-forty-something street, but there I lived on streets named, "Bluebell", "Springpark", "Via del Prado", etc.) I miss my old haunts, not the clubs, I am content to have that life behind me forever, but the eateries, the movie theaters, the hair salons where they KNEW me, my dentist, my FRIENDS...Man alive how I miss them.
Still, I maintain I have a better life, more friends with more in common with me than ever before, here in Seattle....but looking back, before the houses, before the babies, before the "grown up" stuff, it sure gets glamorized in the rear view mirror, huh? When I was there I am not sure I was as happy as I think I am in my memory. I do miss everyone though. Sometimes it still feels like all life is is a struggle to fit in, and I am still struggling and still finding that the harder I try at times I am still a misfit.
Some days are like that. It feels cold enough to snow today but it wont. It is gray and not quite rainy but the cold is to the bone. I har it is sunny in Southern California today. I remember when it was below 70 it was coat weather, not light coat but I am talking your WINTER coat weather. Here I wear sweats and barely a coat unless it is under 40 (which may explain why I am always cold, huh?) but it is just different. The massive trees here still amaze me, the music they sing in the wind is primal. I swear fairies live among us here, and the mist encourages such thoughts. But every now and then, California dreaming gets me and I am driving on the 101 with the sun on my skin, smelling the ocean, stopping at In-N-Out and giggling with some friend I miss from back in the day.
See you in my dreams, Cali.....how I miss the sunsets....wave goodbye to Hollywood, my dear...the forest calls your name. January 25 Uh OhOK sometimes Patrick says some really funny stuff.... other times he is lucky to still be alive! Take today for instance. I hosted two playgroups at my house...more bang for the buck I guess. It was a zoo! Fun; but a crazy zoo. Anyway the playroom, predictably, was TRASHED. Every toy, puzzle, box, everything over turned and in the center of the floor. It was a nightmare that will take weeks and a haz mat team to help me clear, I swear. Anyway as we were cleaning it, Patrick decided he did not wish to clean and got very excited and started running in circles and shouted that he wanted to make a similar mess throughout the place! Here's what went down:
Patrick: "Lets make more mess! MORE MESS~ Lets get the whole house messy! YAY!!!!"
My good friend Kirsti in her lovely Irish brogue, "Ay, Patrick, you know your Ma has worked hard gittin the house all clean and dandy for your wee friends here, lets help her tidy up a bit."
Patrick: "NO! I want the WHOLE house messy! More mess!"
Kirsty: "No, boy, listen, help us out here."
Patrick: "It's ok, she will clean it later, that's what she is here for...."
He doesn't remember anything after that......
Just kidding. I made him sit down and then help me clean an area exclusively and talked to him for a second about it but had to let it go because our friends were leaving. Later I told Harry what happened, and he had my back realizing I felt wholly unappreciated. I mean EVERY Mom does, but I am not raising a priveledged entitled prince here, I am trying to help raise a man...preferably one who does not expect to be waited on hand and foot, thanks. How did I go from trying to help and make the house lovely to being a servant? It is a fine line, my friends....
At any rate, we will be working as a family to purge the play room. NO TV till it is clean, purged of broken and neglected toys, and at least two perfectly working toys from each child ready for the recycling bin for needy kids are ready to go. Dont mess with Mama bear....I am no servant, my darling cheribs. January 24 Condemnation....Confirmation....Lets Call The Whole Thing OffYou say tomato, I sat To-Mah-toe....sing it with me now! Tomato, to-mah-toe, potato, pa-taht-toe, lets call the whole thing off.... da da da dat dum.....
Well that song is etched in my head today. We have a CONFIRMATION to go to tomorrow night. Our lovely babysitter is taking the plunge and her sister is her sponsor, but she is still in Ireland at school for the semester, so I was asked to stand in. I am SO proud and SO honored. I told the kids about it and they cant seem to get that there are parties for people other than birthday parties. What can I say, they are still pretty new at the party scene.... ha ha ha....but still. I tried to explain, I really did.
"Caileen is getting Confirmed, she is saying to everyone that Catholicism is her one true faith and that she will be a defender of that faith for her lifetime. It is a big deal. We will go and celebrate and tell her how proud we are of her for being so grown up!" I say to Patrick who gets REALLY big eyed.
"Oh, mommy, I am SO proud of her! My Caileen is being Condemned! WOW!"
Uh, no honey, NOt condemned, that is a bad thing, she is being confirmed....not condemned.....it is like a wedding, or a baptism, or like in a few years when you go to get your communion. It is a Sacrement, something we do to mark how we are growing in our faith with God and our community in the Church.
"Oh...I see." pause....long pause....sigh....eye roll and hands flopped down on his lap in the car seat which makes him look enormous lately, "well, will there be cake at the condemnaked thingy or what?"
Sigh. I have SO much work to do. He is only 5, but still. Sigh. January 22 Tirads and SensiilityHave you seen Rosanne Bar's blog? Well, no I dont run to read it every day either. But occasionally she is posted on www.Perezhilton.com because her tirads I guess make him upset. I know she is a blow hard, but sometimes I wonder what she has said that is wrong...except that it is her saying it, which I guess is offensive somehow for some people. I am not really sure how or why she became some media monster, but she did. ANYWAY she wrote a note wondering why Hilary Clinton had to have her interview on Tyra Banks' show rather than Oprah Winfrey's show. (Kudos to Ms. Banks by the way...you got the get) Yes, we ALL know Madame O is supporting Obama, and to be honest I bounce back and forth between these two candidates myself, but Roseanne had a point. Here is what she said and how I feel all sort of jumled up in a big messy Sheppards Pie of political mess that is Mommy Politics in my brain:
Why isn't Madam Oprah interviewing Hilary who is the first EVER woman to win a presidential primary in our country's history? Even if you dont support her, she has made history and is worthy of a sit down. Roseanne slapped a comment that if Hilary wanted to talk weight issues, maybe then she would gain an audience, which was a tad below the belt....wait she was talking about her theighs specifically so it was literally below the belt....but seriously, Madame O has people on her show barely a step above Jerry Springer at times... she cant put aside her own political desires to allow the WOMEN in her audience a chance to hear from probably the second most influential political woman in American history besides Eleanor Roosevelt? Would it be damaging to her self esteem as she looks at herself as the most influential person or what? I dont get that at all. These two women in the same room would make me watch. HELL you know what would be EVEN BETTER???? Have Hilary AND Obama on TOGETHER! Oh man alive that would be awesome! I KNOW I am not the only Democrat that is undecided between these two, seeing them in this setting would actually help us soccer Moms get some deeper perspective. Maybe that makes me an idiot, maybe I just lost my rights to my copy of any of Gloria Steinem's books and the Feminists are gonna come and take away my diplomas and give me an apron instead, but seriously, wouldn't it be a great way to see these guys?
Another thing...what is with everyone talking about Mr. Reagan? Was he really that great? I know he was charsmatic, but you have to remember I worked in the mental health field before I became a Mommy and in my memory his plans really messed things up for a lot of people. Many of the homeless everyone wants to complain about to this day are a direct result of his policies. Our mental healthcare system; and by connection our healthcare in general; was horribly negatively impacted by his policies. No one is perfect, but he is not the saint everyone is giving him the credit to be posthumously. I certainly do not understand why Democrats are bringing him up, unless they are hoping to court some conservative votes, and that makes for a pandering problem to me. Just TELL ME who you are, what your plans are and stick it. I may not respect, like or tolerate Bush well, but he always was who he is...an idiot. (sorry) I would LOVE to see someone just say, "Ok look, here it is" and stop all the political crap. If the people who are SO scared and intoerant want, we could even call it a "Come To Jesus Meeting" just tell me the deal, and lets go already.
Look guys, between homework, lesson planning, practice runs, science experiments, and other suburban responsibilities, I do not have time for this "read between the lines" crap. Tell it like it is. STOP pandering and just get real already. Help me help you. Why all the hate? Oh and Madame O, if you are listening, your "audience"; you know us soccer Moms who help you raise money and dream big...remember us?; We are not the idiots you think we are. Please let us make up our own minds and stop assuming you know it for us. As a woman, you should bring us the story of the most successful female candidate in the history of the United States, whether you are trumping for her or not. Seriously, have her and Obama on together, it would make GREAT ratings for you and help so many of us decide between two VERY talented and charismatic people. Just please, EVERYONE, let Regan rest in peace. Enough already! It is bad enough that he has an airport named after him....didn't he fire all the air traffic controllers? Wow...where is his old PR agent? That person was brilliant (and could teach Alanis a thing or two on the true meaning of the word "ironic")... January 21 GNO!!!Had a Girls Night Out tonight. Went to a little Italian bistro whose food was fabulous, the wine superb, but the waiter absolutely HATED my friends and I for talking so long and not ordering. I would understand if people were waiting or they were busy, but they were not busy at all and we were not closing the place down, we had a movie to get to! It just irks me when waiters are rude. I dunno, listen, I UNDERSTAND feeling unappreciated at times, maybe that was his deal, but you kow what? Buck up man! Anyway, that was a downer in an otherwise blast of an evening. STill the food and wine were good, so we will be back....
The gals and I went to see "JUNO" tonight. It is a funny funny film, but so much heavier than I was expecting. I had no idea what it was about, and the fact that it was basically a right to life flick was quirky all on its own, I mean you just dont see that everyday in this day and age. But it was witty and the banter was fun. These people seemed like I was when I was that age, so that was a bit surreal. We laughed, we cried, we held hands, we were sufficiently surprised...good times!
Then walking out of the theatre I ATE SHIT in the ice on the stairs. I mean I gave a yelp that was barbaric and threw my bag in the air (My good Coach no less! Damn it!) and went down on my ass! We laughed so hard I could not move for fear I would pee my pants, and then for fear I would do it again. There was just no way to move at that point that would not result in the same reaction, I was in a spot and no matter how I tried to be a grown up, the tiredness of the week, the wine and the girlie giggles attacked and were relentless!
SO, rounding out the weekend of birthday parties and house cleaning was a GNO that did not disappoint. Big week ahead of me with school interviews for Patrick for Kindergarten for next year! Yikes! How the hell did my little man become old enough for "real" school??? WHere did 5 years go? January 19 Quick ThinkingYesterday I REALLY hurt myself. I was getting the kids into the car after a wild goose chase trying to sign my son up (unsuccessfully I might add) for tee-ball with the city tee ball league. I went to two different locations to pay his fees, but neither could help me, so in the bitter cold (it was 30 degrees, I know I know someone is in REAL weather and laughing at me, but I am from LA anything below 70 is REAL weather to me!) and treked them across hill and dale only to find out no one knew what to do to help me. SO frustrating.
Now LATE...again....my son once described me to a teacher who asked what his Mommy was like, "Well, she says she is always late"...nice...anyway late again to play group, I got Riley in her seat and tried to step out of the damn minivan and crushed my knee in the door. There is a hook thingy that comes out of the door and it went right into the center of my knee. I yelled in pain and crumpled to the ground like a little girl. Patrick was not in the car yet and got very upset..."Mommy, whats wrong? You hurt? Do I need to call 999, um I mean 911?" no baby boy, just let me cry a minute. Riley chimed in from the back seat with eyes as wide as saucers, "Oh poor Mommy! You hurt? that is so sad!" it was cute but I was REALLY in pain and trying to do the mommy thing...obviously unsuccessfully too, but hey if they saw how bad it really hurt they would be crying too!
Suddently Patrick says, "SHould I go see if the lady inside can help us? DO you need me to call Daddy to ome get us? What do you want me to do, Mommy?" What a little man!
I got him into his car seat and kissed him and told him I was happy knowing that in an emergency he would be on top of staying calm and getting the phone and getting help. "That is thinking on your feet, little man!" says I. "No no Mommy, I dont think with my FEET, I used my brain. DO you use your feet? Maybe that is why you get confused."
Oh boy. January 17 God's a Teacher???Today, while dopping my son off at Pre School his teacher came up to tell me a story. First I looked at my car and wondered why, oh why, does someone always come when it is beyond a pit of despair, but happily she did not seem to notice the moveable pit I roll in. ANYWAY she told me of a conversation that happened yesterday at school:
Patrick to his teacher Ms. Karen, "You know, my Mommy is a teacher, just like you"
Ms. Karen, "Yes, I know, Patrick."
Patrick, "'Cept she teaches kids about God."
Ms. Karen, "Oh"
One of the kids in his VERY multicultural class gets REALLY big eyes and exclaims for all to hear, "Wait...God is a teacher? Whoa, your Mommy works with God and God is a teacher at your Mommy's school? WOW!"
Karate, Sour & Snow Rescues!
Patrick would not keep his hat on long, but damn it if his HAT HEAD of hair is not 100 times better than any coif I have mastered with serious ly expensive product, implements of destruction & a credit card:
So that was our day in the snow: eat some, play some and rescue some wayward grubs...not bad! January 14 CharactersMy kids crack me up. Here are some recent shots of them being them. I am not sure that this will upload, several of my pieces written with pictures are sitting in limbo since I cant figure out what went wrong and no one has time to help me around here, so here is hoping!
OK so those are some recent pictures of my guys.....Parenthood is a WILD ride lately! More on that later, but for now I gotta run before someone kills someone else over who is working with what puzzle! Oy!
January 02 Things To Think AboutChristmas was a whirlwind and I will blog about its ins and outs later with pictures and dialogue, but in the mean time I am preoccupied with worry for a dear friend. Have you seen the news out of Kenya? It was on MSN's front page for 4 days and now has slipped off like it never happened. How sad is that? The news where I live is so ego centric. If it is not happening in Washington State, to someone from Washington State or about something sold from Washington State, good luck hearing about it at all. I am just lucky I live close enough to Canada to sometimes get their news and occasionally when the children are otherwise occupied watch CNN for some news outside my little subburban realm of sheltered ignorance.
Anyway, on Christmas Day I was honored with a phone call from my dear friend from Kenya, dearest Sister Bernadette Munyao. I was overjoyed and very proud and just so touched that she called me on the big day. It was lovely to hear her voice and share our prayers and hopes for the new year.
Today her students, the ones I help raise money for, were supposed to start their school year. Today they were supposed to go to new classrooms, start a new year and adventure and begin getting ready for their next series of tests. Today was the kick off. Today was postponed.
The unrest is tragic and horrific. Sometimes you hear of things in the Sudan, in Darfur, in the Middle East, in regions that are....you know... over there...wherever THERE is...it is not here (though certainly we have seen some tragic events, we are still SO much more fortunate than most places around the globe and we have a responsibility for thankfulness) but it just seems so far away usually.
At last count, when I looked it up anyway, there are reports of over 300 murdered in Kenya as a result of protesting the latest election and 30 of them were killed seeking refuge in a church. I got a call this morning wondering if I had heard from my dear Sister Bernadette, and while I did hear from her on Christmas, I have not heard from her since. Of the people I know who know her, I was lucky enough to be the last to hear from her but that seems a million years ago now. I assumed she was preparing for school. I was excited for her, that pre-scholastic rush before a new school year is extreeme and as a teacher I know it well. Now I am sad, scared, and horrified learning that the tribal people seeking shelter in the church were murdered horrifically with machetes. Such sad, ugly, EVIL news. It is not prudent to assume that the church in question was my dear friend's church, but until I hear, of course I am worried. Not just for Sister Bernadette, though of course she brings it closer home because I know her, but for all the people in a region filled with such civil unrest and evil doings. How are humans capable of such cruelty? When will we stop this? ALL of this? I am a Mommy, I just want to go help, but I have babies here who need me and not a lot to offer even if I could get on a plane...
I can do little more than pray and hope and keep looking for information. We are so illinformed. I am not sure what I or any of us can do with the information if/when we get it, but ignoring it seems to be an obvious mistake, doesnt it? When will we learn from it and STOP being afraid and harmful to each other? I guess that sounds like the cry of a small child, but I just do not understand the cruelty. In such respects I guess I am rather like a small child.
SO, soon I will talk about my Christmas, how lucky I am and how loved my children are. We are fortunate indeed and thankful every day, as we should be, but for now I will be praying and worried and waiting to hear news. SO many people are hurting....how can we ignore that? |
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